Hey! How the hell are ya?! It has literally been over 2 years since my last blog post. Holy guacamole! I'm slightly embarrassed about this because I still consider blogging to be one of my favourite hobbies and I did not know it has been that long until I finally logged in and saw the date on my last post. Have my followers been heckling me to write a new post? No, because they include my mom and I and we both know I've been busy as F. I will confess that sometimes I view my posts before falling asleep and laugh a bit louder than I should for writing the jokes and stories myself but I'm not ashamed to be my own number one fan. (Side note: just undid the button on my jeans because sh*t's about to get real rannow.)
I really hate to make excuses but it's kind of a love/hate because I still do it all the time but I have legit been crazy busy. So busy that finally tonight I'm starting to feel a bit like exploding which means it's unloading time which means the blog is in business!
What have I been so busy with, you may ask? Here is a 5-point summary because I legit have some real talk to get to:
1. I have completed college--Bachelor's Degree in Human Resources Management (if you don't know what that is please use your googler, the amount of times I've had to explain it is enough to make me want to punch myself in the throat)
2. I'm an aunt--Coke had a baby girl and I love her (if you want to read more about babies please find a neighbouring mommy blog, there's many of them out there and they are likely worth more of your time than this blog)
3. I bought a new vehicle and have passed Petey down to my younger cousin. I tell myself he's doing better now, it's really hard to think about so I have unhealthily blocked it.
4. I'm living and working full-time in da big city
5. You know, Netflix and stuff
The real talk I want to get to is about adulting and being out in the so-called "real world". I say this with quotations because it's not like I was on another planet before I graduated college but there is some differences you find when you're in your career rather than in school or working part-time jobs. My idea for this post is to list a few of the things I've learnt since becoming somewhat of a professional (me--a professional? I know right?!). At the time I'm writing this I have been graduated for 6 months.
1. Nobody knows what they're doing. I'm definitely still new to my career and when I first started working I hated that there was so much I didn't know. I'm very Type A and need to have a sense of control of situations and for a long time I felt personally bothered that people would ask me things and I would be like ...ummm no idea. But I have found that nobody knows everything all the time. I've gone and asked questions to my superiors and have had them be like ...hmmm...let me get back to you on that. That is working world code for "I have no fucking clue either but I really shouldn't say that aloud". Those who seem like they know stuff all the time are faking it 90% of the time--see I just faked that number, I have no actual idea statistic-wise. But seriously I've experienced people giving me an answer or going forward with something and then having it come back as wrong. There's really no way of being 100% prepared for every thing that you come across and it's okay! Eventually you find ways of wording your own working world code and you learn how to find things out.
2. You can't please everybody all of the time. This is something that I usually always strive to do but I have learned that in some cases you do have to pick a side to cater to. I find that my position is tricky because HR is kind of a bridge between employees and company. I got into HR because I want to make employees happy to be at work and do what I can for them. But I also have a responsibility to protect the company and do what's right for my employer and make the employer happy so that I still get a paycheque. I usually try to find ways to make both parties happy but there are sometimes when you just can't and you have to decide okay who takes priority in this situation?
3. The projects don't end. This has been one of the more tiring aspects of real world living. Back on planet college, you were tasked with things but they had end dates. Your project groups were temporary, your paper had a conclusion, your exams had a final question; but not in real life. Everything is "ongoing". You work with the same people until you get enough evidence to fire them legally (haha jk wink wink). You are constantly updating, evaluating, reviewing, revising, assessing, etc. Even that list is ongoing haha. My Type A personality loves lists, meaning lists with check boxes, meaning check boxes that you check when a task is complete, which means instant satisfaction. But there are barely any checkboxes here in real world. But I guess if there was, I wouldn't have a job for too long.
4. If you don't voice your concerns, no one will. I've always been worried about seeming like a complainer or a whiner and so I tend to hold back when I have a bad feeling about something. I've recently found though that voicing my concerns or opinions has great benefits. In some cases there was something missed by someone else or something they didn't know until I informed them. Other times it seemed like the whole group felt a certain way but no one wanted to be the one to speak out and just hoped someone else would (I guess I'll be the hero then, if I have to). There's nothing wrong with voicing your concerns just be prepared for 2 things, 1: they'll hear your concern but won't do anything about it or agree with it or 2: they will agree and take the credit for it. I've found that in most cases I really couldn't give a rat's patooty who gets credit for fixing a situation as long as that situation is fixed in the end. It's not worth something going wrong just because you didn't want someone else getting kudos.
5. Your career is really controlled by one person and one person only--your mom just kidding dumb ass, it's you. If you work hard and put in the time and the effort it will be noticed. You have to make yourself invaluable and prove your worth to a company. I do this by bringing in delicious home-made cookies every once in a while and always being as helpful as I can. Never say no, except for workplace harassment then you should try saying "no, please stop, this is harassment."
6. Don't be afraid of humility, roll with the punches and laugh at yourself. The position I'm in now started out as an internship that I did for the last four months of my degree. At the end of the term I was supposed to present an assessment of the company's current HR program. I was also trying to land myself a permanent position at this place so how am I supposed to review a place honestly but still be respected enough that they want to keep me? Anyways I wanted to lighten the mood a little bit so I put in a joke at the beginning of my powerpoint that included a picture of good ol' Petey. So I say my joke and I'm currently pausing for laughter as I rehearsed but all I hear is silence and all I see are blank faces. So I awkwardly explain as you can see by the PT shown here... Then I hear someone whisper, we can't see the PT... Well god dammit business school! You taught me not to look up at the screen but then there was a delay between my laptop and the projector so I was viewing the PT on my laptop screen in front of me but the projector screen was 1 slide behind. My entire joke was ruined and I felt like running out of the room. This was supposed to lighten spirits and lessen my nerves but it did the complete opposite. Everyone was really good-natured about it and of course teased me relentlessly the rest of the week but I laughed about it too. As humans, our natural instinct is to find the path of least resistance and run away from all that makes us uncomfortable or feel threatened. Humility is one of the top things that triggers this flight response (I can't reference any of this info because frankly I haven't done citations for 6 months and I don't remember where all I've heard this but I'm pretty sure there was a Ted talk about it...). But in the real world you'll find times when you need to stand up to this feeling and remember that it will pass and you won't die and guess what, you'll even get the job.
I feel like this list could go on and on but we're getting into the sappy stuff now and honestly it's way past my bedtime. I am going to cap it here but I definitely have a lot more stories to tell so I am going to try and work on this blog a lot more than I have the past two years. I hope you enjoyed reading and if not please find some of those mommy blogs I discussed earlier and get off my case.
K
Love you
Bye!
Rock Awesome
Tuesday, 31 October 2017
Sunday, 4 October 2015
5 Things I Hate About Me
I say, we skip the introductions and get right down to it, shall we? Like a quickie on your way to church. Haha I don't know why I said that. That was a weird phrase. I'm hungry and when I'm hungry I get weird. I think it's because of my blood sugar levels or something scientific like that. I should ask my roommate, he's a scientist.
I wanna write a post about hating yourself. And it's not gonna be one of those don't hate yourself, you're beautiful ones but actually a post about the things I hate about myself. Those other ones are lame, boring, cliche and unpersonalized. I'm way better at being 100% real; that's something I don't hate about myself.
You might be wondering why I have been inspired to write such an odd post, or you're not wondering that at all; I can't read minds. The thing is, I've been having these reoccurring dreams where I'm at work and there's an emergency and my whistle doesn't work. Like I'm blowing it (haha winky-face!) as hard as I can but there's no sound coming out. So no one is clearing the pool, no one is coming out to help with the emergency and pretty much all my authority is stripped away, gone! It is horrifying. And embarrassing. And overwhelming. And I'm pretty sure it's a sign of me feeling insecure. I'm no expert though. I should ask my buddy, Beetyke. He knows a lot about weird mind things like that. And so this dream, which I've had at least twice now, has made me realize I need to cleanse my soul of these insecurities and what better way to do that than to shout them out on a mountain top for the whole universe to hear!?! Unfortunately, I don't feel strongly enough to drive to the mountains and cause an avalanche so I'll just state them on the Internet where the whole three people that read this blog can see.
So here we go, yo!
The Things Ashlynn Hates about Herself:
1) I'm a very picky drinker. I don't like beer. Or wine. Or water. (What water? Everyone likes water!) No sir, I don't like water. I need water in order to live and avoid hangovers but I never think ooh I would love a refreshing cup of water right now. I'm pretty sure I am always in a state of minor dehydration because I drink like one drink a day. If I could pick anything to drink in the whole wide world nine times out of ten it'll be chocolate milk. I love that shit. But we're not here to talk about things we love.
So the other night I went out for dinner with some coworkers at this bar and I tried to order a Whiskey Sour because that's one of the only alcoholic drinks I will drink. But the waitress said that they don't make those so then I was embarrassed and a little ticked off and so I asked for a drink menu. She told me that they also don't have drink menus. Can you believe that?! If I had been with Jon Taffer from Spike's Bar Rescue show he woulda burst through the door and slapped that bar owner silly. So then really not knowing what to do because I didn't want to order another drink that they couldn't make I just said "I guess I'll have water." And in my mind I was like ugh water... But I was now refusing to pay this bar for a beverage so I went with water since it's free to make a statement. But I still tipped because I'm too nice. Which leads me to the second thing I hate about myself...
2) I'm too motha-fuckin' nice! I put up with too much shit from people because I dislike confrontations, I go way out of my way to do things for people they would never do for me, and I never say no. When I do have to say no to someone I feel extreme guilt all night about it. I'm getting better at it as I age which makes me believe I'm turning into a cranky old hag, but still I hate denying people of things. Like at work if someone asks me to work for them I have been known to change personal plans around to do it. I've even gotten my shift covered at my other job in order to work for someone. And then it really hurts when you go to ask that person to cover one of your shifts and they won't do it. Ugh! And that's why I hate being too nice! Or I'll go way out of my way to do something for a boyfriend's family and then when it comes to me asking for them to be there for my family having them being like "oh I would but I don't want to" really hits me hard. But then the next time I'm asked to do something it's like yup, you bet! No problem! Which leads me to another thing I dislike about myself...
3) I can't stay mad. I've never been able to hold a grudge. Never. I just don't have the energy. It astonishes me when I see someone who can stay mad about something for a long time. I'm just like in the words of Elsa, "Let It Go! Let It Goooooo!" Like for instance, my roommates went out shopping with the one's dad and they went to Superstore. So his dad likes to get those banana chip things out of the bulk bins but I guess this time the bin wasn't stocked so there wasn't very many banana chips in it. So my roommate's dad asked a boy stocking shelves why the banana chips were stocked insufficiently and the boy was trying to tell him that it wasn't his department and so he wasn't sure. This made my roommate's dad ask to see a manager since the boy should know why there are no banana chips at this time. The boy goes to get his supervisor since the manager wasn't there and then my roommate's dad continues to argue with this supervisor about there being no banana chips. You'd think that his rant about banana chips would finally be over but oh no, he actually went to the customer service desk and WROTE OUT a customer complaint. Like I'm amazed at how much energy this man has and I envy his passion about banana chips. I have been on this Earth for almost 21 years and not yet have I found something I care about that strongly to complain to two different people, cause a scene, and take the time and effort to actually write out a customer complaint card. And I almost want to ask him what he expected to get out of writing a complaint. Like do you really expect Superstore to call you the next day and be like we are so sorry you couldn't stock up on banana chips due to shipping delays so we are supplying you with a lifetime supply of dried banana slices to ease your pain and suffering. I mean maybe Superstore would be mad hyped that someone actually wants the banana chips because never have I ever seen anyone actually buy them let alone go through all that hassle to bitch about them. This story almost makes me happy and proud that I can't stay mad about things but I dislike that I can't stay mad because it normally means that when someone does something that upsets or hurts me, I usually end up forgiving them and then it just happens over and over again. Sometimes I wish I could say FRIENDS OFF and it actually be for real.
4) I hate exercising. Lately I've been to stores and they're all doing their own athletic lines of flashy spandex pants and bright tank tops and it's all super cute except that all the shirts say stuff like 'this is my happy place' or 'cardio is love' and all this stupid shit. Am I the only one that needs a workout tank that says "I effing hate working out" or "I want to die on the inside"? I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Exercise fucking sucks. Like no one enjoys it. People enjoy how they look after and they enjoy posting pictures of themselves with no shirts on after and of course there's the chemical release of endorphins in your brain that tricks you into liking it but no one really does while they're doing it. I think the reason endorphins are released after a workout is because the workout is finally over. That's my favourite time; walking out of the gym, with sweat dripping down my face and my throat throbbing like a chain smoker. I'm very mean to myself when I work out too. Like I am verbally abusive to myself while I'm running or doing squats or anything. I need the motivation though. Like I will quit running unless I tell myself how flabby and gross I am. This is the usual conversation in my head when I'm on the treadmill:
Wow you are jiggling like a big human-shaped bowl of jell-o. Did you really think you were still in shape? I can't believe anyone would ever go out with you. No wonder you were single for all of high school. You don't even look good in your workout clothes.
That's a lie! I look god damn adorable in my stretchy pants!!
5) I hate that I am introverted. I mean in a way I'm proud to be an introvert because I feel like people think we can't conquer the world, and trust me, I can but I also hate the stress that being an introvert causes. Like when I'm told that I'll have to work in an assigned group or talk in front of the class for an hour, I would like to not lose sleep over it, but I do. I would like to be able to think of something to say at my boyfriend's family dinners rather than just thinking about how uncomfortable I am, but I can't. I would like to be excited when I'm invited to a social gathering where I have to talk to people I barely know, but I'm not. I would like to be motivated enough to make new friends on my own, but I'm not. I would like to be brave enough to try something new on my own, but I'm not. I just don't have the desire or motivation or the personality to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm scared of the rest of the world. Like when I hear about people that can travel the world for pleasure all by themselves I'm just amazed. I could never go somewhere I've never been and have to talk to people that don't speak my language all by myself. I can barely speak to people that speak English all by myself! I think I would cut my trip early and come home after a day. I am just a pair person. I like to have a partner in everything. I normally drag my roommate to Michaels with me to buy yarn just because I don't want to drive there by myself. It's a weird thing to want someone to do stuff with all the time yet to never want to socialize with anyone. And it's frustrating to keep up with sometimes. I always catch myself complaining that I wasn't invited to a friend's get-together but then when I am invited to something I dread it all week and want to bail at the last second. I envy extroverts so much. I really believe that being an introvert has held me back from many things. For instance, I used to really enjoy writing and singing songs but it was something I never felt comfortable sharing with people and I was never a performer so I started to do it less and less and I think the last song I wrote was over three years ago. And that's sad to let something like that go when you enjoy it but start to feel like there's no point to it. Like I just wish I was Taylor Swift! I feel like I'm almost Taylor Swift because I am also a very awkward dancer haha
I think I'm gonna leave it at those 5 things. I don't wanna start getting too deep and hurting my own feelings. I bet you're all surprised I didn't write that I hate how awesome I am because it's hard to always blow so many minds ;)
I feel like this is a healthy cleanse. Like you can't really be that insecure when you've laid out everything that you suck at in order to say "Hey! Look at me, I'm bad at this and that's okay!". It also leaves nothing for people to really hurt you with because you've already hurt your own feelings. It's like if someone now says to me "wow Ashlynn you are such a picky drinker" I can come back with "yeah, I don't even like water...bitch!" cause let's face it, you shouldn't be too nice to that person since they're calling out one of your flaws, like get bent and make me a Whiskey Sour already.
I hope people aren't worried about putting me on suicide-watch after reading this post. After all, I am just being self-aware and if I were to write a post about the things I love about myself (#1: my cute butt) you would grow old before you were finished reading it. I hope this post makes you guys feel good about yourselves too because maybe you'll read it and be like wow look at this girl, rock awesome in so many ways who still has flaws and just accepts them as part of who she is. Because, for real, we can't all be Beyonce. We all have flaws and there's no point in hiding or denying them because they make us who we are. I bet you all wouldn't love Ashi Poo Poo if she was hilarious, smart, cute AND a skinny exercise guru would you? That would be too much.
So if you ever have a dream where your whistler can't whistle try writing about the things that make you suck and let your whistler ring!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
I wanna write a post about hating yourself. And it's not gonna be one of those don't hate yourself, you're beautiful ones but actually a post about the things I hate about myself. Those other ones are lame, boring, cliche and unpersonalized. I'm way better at being 100% real; that's something I don't hate about myself.
You might be wondering why I have been inspired to write such an odd post, or you're not wondering that at all; I can't read minds. The thing is, I've been having these reoccurring dreams where I'm at work and there's an emergency and my whistle doesn't work. Like I'm blowing it (haha winky-face!) as hard as I can but there's no sound coming out. So no one is clearing the pool, no one is coming out to help with the emergency and pretty much all my authority is stripped away, gone! It is horrifying. And embarrassing. And overwhelming. And I'm pretty sure it's a sign of me feeling insecure. I'm no expert though. I should ask my buddy, Beetyke. He knows a lot about weird mind things like that. And so this dream, which I've had at least twice now, has made me realize I need to cleanse my soul of these insecurities and what better way to do that than to shout them out on a mountain top for the whole universe to hear!?! Unfortunately, I don't feel strongly enough to drive to the mountains and cause an avalanche so I'll just state them on the Internet where the whole three people that read this blog can see.
So here we go, yo!
The Things Ashlynn Hates about Herself:
1) I'm a very picky drinker. I don't like beer. Or wine. Or water. (What water? Everyone likes water!) No sir, I don't like water. I need water in order to live and avoid hangovers but I never think ooh I would love a refreshing cup of water right now. I'm pretty sure I am always in a state of minor dehydration because I drink like one drink a day. If I could pick anything to drink in the whole wide world nine times out of ten it'll be chocolate milk. I love that shit. But we're not here to talk about things we love.
So the other night I went out for dinner with some coworkers at this bar and I tried to order a Whiskey Sour because that's one of the only alcoholic drinks I will drink. But the waitress said that they don't make those so then I was embarrassed and a little ticked off and so I asked for a drink menu. She told me that they also don't have drink menus. Can you believe that?! If I had been with Jon Taffer from Spike's Bar Rescue show he woulda burst through the door and slapped that bar owner silly. So then really not knowing what to do because I didn't want to order another drink that they couldn't make I just said "I guess I'll have water." And in my mind I was like ugh water... But I was now refusing to pay this bar for a beverage so I went with water since it's free to make a statement. But I still tipped because I'm too nice. Which leads me to the second thing I hate about myself...
2) I'm too motha-fuckin' nice! I put up with too much shit from people because I dislike confrontations, I go way out of my way to do things for people they would never do for me, and I never say no. When I do have to say no to someone I feel extreme guilt all night about it. I'm getting better at it as I age which makes me believe I'm turning into a cranky old hag, but still I hate denying people of things. Like at work if someone asks me to work for them I have been known to change personal plans around to do it. I've even gotten my shift covered at my other job in order to work for someone. And then it really hurts when you go to ask that person to cover one of your shifts and they won't do it. Ugh! And that's why I hate being too nice! Or I'll go way out of my way to do something for a boyfriend's family and then when it comes to me asking for them to be there for my family having them being like "oh I would but I don't want to" really hits me hard. But then the next time I'm asked to do something it's like yup, you bet! No problem! Which leads me to another thing I dislike about myself...
3) I can't stay mad. I've never been able to hold a grudge. Never. I just don't have the energy. It astonishes me when I see someone who can stay mad about something for a long time. I'm just like in the words of Elsa, "Let It Go! Let It Goooooo!" Like for instance, my roommates went out shopping with the one's dad and they went to Superstore. So his dad likes to get those banana chip things out of the bulk bins but I guess this time the bin wasn't stocked so there wasn't very many banana chips in it. So my roommate's dad asked a boy stocking shelves why the banana chips were stocked insufficiently and the boy was trying to tell him that it wasn't his department and so he wasn't sure. This made my roommate's dad ask to see a manager since the boy should know why there are no banana chips at this time. The boy goes to get his supervisor since the manager wasn't there and then my roommate's dad continues to argue with this supervisor about there being no banana chips. You'd think that his rant about banana chips would finally be over but oh no, he actually went to the customer service desk and WROTE OUT a customer complaint. Like I'm amazed at how much energy this man has and I envy his passion about banana chips. I have been on this Earth for almost 21 years and not yet have I found something I care about that strongly to complain to two different people, cause a scene, and take the time and effort to actually write out a customer complaint card. And I almost want to ask him what he expected to get out of writing a complaint. Like do you really expect Superstore to call you the next day and be like we are so sorry you couldn't stock up on banana chips due to shipping delays so we are supplying you with a lifetime supply of dried banana slices to ease your pain and suffering. I mean maybe Superstore would be mad hyped that someone actually wants the banana chips because never have I ever seen anyone actually buy them let alone go through all that hassle to bitch about them. This story almost makes me happy and proud that I can't stay mad about things but I dislike that I can't stay mad because it normally means that when someone does something that upsets or hurts me, I usually end up forgiving them and then it just happens over and over again. Sometimes I wish I could say FRIENDS OFF and it actually be for real.
4) I hate exercising. Lately I've been to stores and they're all doing their own athletic lines of flashy spandex pants and bright tank tops and it's all super cute except that all the shirts say stuff like 'this is my happy place' or 'cardio is love' and all this stupid shit. Am I the only one that needs a workout tank that says "I effing hate working out" or "I want to die on the inside"? I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. Exercise fucking sucks. Like no one enjoys it. People enjoy how they look after and they enjoy posting pictures of themselves with no shirts on after and of course there's the chemical release of endorphins in your brain that tricks you into liking it but no one really does while they're doing it. I think the reason endorphins are released after a workout is because the workout is finally over. That's my favourite time; walking out of the gym, with sweat dripping down my face and my throat throbbing like a chain smoker. I'm very mean to myself when I work out too. Like I am verbally abusive to myself while I'm running or doing squats or anything. I need the motivation though. Like I will quit running unless I tell myself how flabby and gross I am. This is the usual conversation in my head when I'm on the treadmill:
Wow you are jiggling like a big human-shaped bowl of jell-o. Did you really think you were still in shape? I can't believe anyone would ever go out with you. No wonder you were single for all of high school. You don't even look good in your workout clothes.
That's a lie! I look god damn adorable in my stretchy pants!!
5) I hate that I am introverted. I mean in a way I'm proud to be an introvert because I feel like people think we can't conquer the world, and trust me, I can but I also hate the stress that being an introvert causes. Like when I'm told that I'll have to work in an assigned group or talk in front of the class for an hour, I would like to not lose sleep over it, but I do. I would like to be able to think of something to say at my boyfriend's family dinners rather than just thinking about how uncomfortable I am, but I can't. I would like to be excited when I'm invited to a social gathering where I have to talk to people I barely know, but I'm not. I would like to be motivated enough to make new friends on my own, but I'm not. I would like to be brave enough to try something new on my own, but I'm not. I just don't have the desire or motivation or the personality to do it. Sometimes I feel like I'm scared of the rest of the world. Like when I hear about people that can travel the world for pleasure all by themselves I'm just amazed. I could never go somewhere I've never been and have to talk to people that don't speak my language all by myself. I can barely speak to people that speak English all by myself! I think I would cut my trip early and come home after a day. I am just a pair person. I like to have a partner in everything. I normally drag my roommate to Michaels with me to buy yarn just because I don't want to drive there by myself. It's a weird thing to want someone to do stuff with all the time yet to never want to socialize with anyone. And it's frustrating to keep up with sometimes. I always catch myself complaining that I wasn't invited to a friend's get-together but then when I am invited to something I dread it all week and want to bail at the last second. I envy extroverts so much. I really believe that being an introvert has held me back from many things. For instance, I used to really enjoy writing and singing songs but it was something I never felt comfortable sharing with people and I was never a performer so I started to do it less and less and I think the last song I wrote was over three years ago. And that's sad to let something like that go when you enjoy it but start to feel like there's no point to it. Like I just wish I was Taylor Swift! I feel like I'm almost Taylor Swift because I am also a very awkward dancer haha
I think I'm gonna leave it at those 5 things. I don't wanna start getting too deep and hurting my own feelings. I bet you're all surprised I didn't write that I hate how awesome I am because it's hard to always blow so many minds ;)
I feel like this is a healthy cleanse. Like you can't really be that insecure when you've laid out everything that you suck at in order to say "Hey! Look at me, I'm bad at this and that's okay!". It also leaves nothing for people to really hurt you with because you've already hurt your own feelings. It's like if someone now says to me "wow Ashlynn you are such a picky drinker" I can come back with "yeah, I don't even like water...bitch!" cause let's face it, you shouldn't be too nice to that person since they're calling out one of your flaws, like get bent and make me a Whiskey Sour already.
I hope people aren't worried about putting me on suicide-watch after reading this post. After all, I am just being self-aware and if I were to write a post about the things I love about myself (#1: my cute butt) you would grow old before you were finished reading it. I hope this post makes you guys feel good about yourselves too because maybe you'll read it and be like wow look at this girl, rock awesome in so many ways who still has flaws and just accepts them as part of who she is. Because, for real, we can't all be Beyonce. We all have flaws and there's no point in hiding or denying them because they make us who we are. I bet you all wouldn't love Ashi Poo Poo if she was hilarious, smart, cute AND a skinny exercise guru would you? That would be too much.
So if you ever have a dream where your whistler can't whistle try writing about the things that make you suck and let your whistler ring!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
Friday, 29 May 2015
Employee of a Lifetime
Wow, if you looked up the word 'forever' in the dictionary it would say "how long ago Ashlynn wrote a fucking blog post". I'm sorry about being MIA my beautiful people. I will quickly bring you up to date on the events in my life.
1)Now done year 2 of college, two more to go
2)Now crocheting baby blankets to sell on the side of the road for cash to buy drugs and alcohol
3)Just kidding about selling them on the side of the road
4)It'll mostly be in alleyways and in the underground train stations
5)I'm living in the citaaaay for the summaaaaa and I finally decorated the room I've been living in for two years now
And finally to the thing I wanted to talk about the most in this post!(haha that rhymed)
6)I started a new job this month!
This is due to the fact that I was not given a full time position for the summer at my job in Hometown USA.(just kidding, I don't live in the USA, Canada REPRESENT!, I just don't disclose that much personal information to y'all in the slight chance that someone reading this isn't my relative and is also a stalker) Since I need money to like breathe air and stuff this caused a problem. So I decided to look for a second job because, as those of you who have been with me since the birth of this bloggy know; I rock at two jobs. Except that I'm getting old and tired and cranky and now my two jobs are in two different towns and I don't wanna do it anymore :'(
But anyways, so I started this new job a few weeks ago and like it's alright. I don't mind it. But I kind of forgot what it's like to start a whole new job where you don't know anyone at all. Like last summer I just returned to my old job at the pool so I knew mostly everyone there and knew what I was doing. So I kind of forgot what it's like to be thrown into a completely new place with all new people who you don't know at all. You know what it's like? It fucking sucks. Excuse my language, it's fucking terrible.
I hate being in new places. I hate meeting new people. I hate being the new girl. I especially hate being the new boy. And I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And I hate getting in trouble because I didn't know what I was doing. And I hate getting into trouble for just being a plain old bad ass.
I've usually stayed out of trouble for most of my life. At home and at school I was usually quite obedient. Sometimes at work though I'll admit, I've been in trouble. Usually it's just rookie mistakes and sometimes it was me just doing what I thought should be the right way.
At my first job at the movie theatre I got in trouble all the time. And this was mostly due to the fact that my manager was a man and, not to be sexist or stereotypical, but men are terrible at giving directions and explaining shit. Sometimes though I was just unaware of proper practices. The first time I got in trouble at work was when I made juice for the juice dispenser we had and I put sugar in the juice. The previous shift I was taught how to make juice for the slushee machine and you poured the package of crystals into a jug and then two cups of sugar into the jug and then filled it with water and shook it with all your bootylicious ability. So when I was asked to make juice I did it the same way. But oh no no! Once I poured the juice into the juice dispenser my manager saw there was some undissolved sugar at the bottom of the jug and I was like oops didn't shake it enough and added some water to the jug and dissolved that sugar to add into the machine. Then he asked me, hey did you put sugar in that juice? And I said yeah and one juice package. Then he was like yelling at me that you only put sugar in the juice thats being used for slushees because it needs sugar to freeze properly. Well sor-ry sir but that was not included in my instructions orientation yesterday. Then he kept freaking out about it and I grabbed a bucket from the back counter and yelled "WELL DO YOU WANT ME TO EMPTY IT?!?" To which he replied, "WELL THATS GONNA BE SOME SUGARY JUICE!" And that was the first time I ever got in trouble at work.
There are countless times after that at that job. One time I turned the lights on too soon while waiting for a movie to get out because the credits were still rolling but I wanted people to leave. Another time I turned the popcorn machine off too soon. Anytime I ran out of popcorn I was getting the big interrogation of how could I possibly run out of popcorn when that was my only job and it wasn't like I was using an old ass slow ass machine or anything!! One time I got yelled at because my manager was draining water out of the ice buckets at the pop machines and asked if it was empty yet and I said no there's still ice in it and he was all like look in this bucket I have, what's in it? And I said water and then he was like yeah so I'm not asking about the ice, I'm asking if there's still water in it. And I was like oh kaaaay snappy mcgee there's still a little bit of water in the mother fucker, get over it.
One time, and okay this was bad, I gave people free popcorn. Like I gave them a little bag we used for the staff to snack on popcorn in between shows. They were kids I went to school with and they weren't even my friends. They were the popular kids and I just wanted to seem cool and bad ass. So I gave them this tiny bag of popcorn and it was like a hamburger bag like literally those foil bags they used to put the burger in at A&W? Like it was that small. That's why I didn't think it was a big deal. Then my boss came over and yelled at me for giving them free popcorn right in front of them and a big rush of customers and then later all of them decided they didn't want to watch the movie after all so they all got refunds and then they were messing around in the parking lot and dropped the popcorn I gave them and my boss made me go "clean up after my friends" and I had to take the broom outside and sweep it up. I just realized how I blocked this out of my memory and bringing it up again it causes tears to fill my eyes just like they did when I swept up that popcorn in front of the popular kids. After I came back inside my boss must've seen what a sad panda I was because he said "we're all good now, okay?" And I nodded my head and went to hide in the back room. (BTW this event still didn't make me cool, seen as a bad ass, or popular. What a waste of popcorn.)
At the pool job I didn't get in trouble too much. Once I sat on the base of the guard chair instead of on the actual seat and was told not to do that. It's comfier there though. One time my supervisor said that I can't sit on a regular plastic chair instead of the guard chair even if there's only one kid in the pool. But other than that there hasn't really been a time I've been in trouble. Oh wait, there was one time where I clicked the wrong button on the till and the one lady made me redo all my front counter training. The one with no cell phone, remember her? Yeah that was unnecessary. I don't know if that's really like getting in trouble though. It was definitely punishment.
So the first time I got in trouble at this new job was the other day when I was put on "extra". Extra is in my words being the bitch. You just do little odd jobs the supervisor asks you to do. So when I was told I was an extra I didn't really know what to do. I assumed it meant you could just chill in the staff room and wait to be asked to do something. So that's what I did. Trust me this wasn't fun. It meant I had to sit there and have no one talk to me and have nothing to do for like three hours. Then later the supervisor comes in and the staffroom was just packed full of people who were doing a course and were on supper break and he says for all the extras to follow him. Then outside of the staffroom he sees me within the group and says "where'd you go?" And I was like "what? I've just been waiting in there." And then he asked why I didn't go find him at all and I was like uhh I thought you'd come to me. Because I legit did. Like I was not trying to get out of doing anything. I like being busy at work, especially at a new job where you have no friends and no one talks to you in the staffroom. Then he was like "you just sat in the staffroom for three hours?" to which I replied, "uhh no like two and a half, I went to get Opa! first." Then he said I'm a bad employee. But this supervisor is pretty chill like I don't think I was actually in trouble. He was kinda laughing about it. And when he asked us to all follow him it was because he wanted to show us the secret storage spaces in the building. So I don't know if I would consider this me really getting into trouble and honestly the worst thing that could happen is me never being allowed to be put on extra again which is completely fine with me because I'd rather do what I was actually hired to do. And also I'm a boss ass bitch but I ain't no extra bitch! Booyaa!
So that's all I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm sleepy and I have to get up and drive back to Hometown tomorrow and work one shift and then drive back here to the big city to work the rest of the week. And then drive back to Hometown and work and then the city and drive, work, drive, work, driiiiiiiive, work. OMG I'm exhausted.
Good night my lovelies.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn Skyworker haha
1)Now done year 2 of college, two more to go
2)Now crocheting baby blankets to sell on the side of the road for cash to buy drugs and alcohol
3)Just kidding about selling them on the side of the road
4)It'll mostly be in alleyways and in the underground train stations
5)I'm living in the citaaaay for the summaaaaa and I finally decorated the room I've been living in for two years now
And finally to the thing I wanted to talk about the most in this post!(haha that rhymed)
6)I started a new job this month!
This is due to the fact that I was not given a full time position for the summer at my job in Hometown USA.(just kidding, I don't live in the USA, Canada REPRESENT!, I just don't disclose that much personal information to y'all in the slight chance that someone reading this isn't my relative and is also a stalker) Since I need money to like breathe air and stuff this caused a problem. So I decided to look for a second job because, as those of you who have been with me since the birth of this bloggy know; I rock at two jobs. Except that I'm getting old and tired and cranky and now my two jobs are in two different towns and I don't wanna do it anymore :'(
But anyways, so I started this new job a few weeks ago and like it's alright. I don't mind it. But I kind of forgot what it's like to start a whole new job where you don't know anyone at all. Like last summer I just returned to my old job at the pool so I knew mostly everyone there and knew what I was doing. So I kind of forgot what it's like to be thrown into a completely new place with all new people who you don't know at all. You know what it's like? It fucking sucks. Excuse my language, it's fucking terrible.
I hate being in new places. I hate meeting new people. I hate being the new girl. I especially hate being the new boy. And I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And I hate getting in trouble because I didn't know what I was doing. And I hate getting into trouble for just being a plain old bad ass.
I've usually stayed out of trouble for most of my life. At home and at school I was usually quite obedient. Sometimes at work though I'll admit, I've been in trouble. Usually it's just rookie mistakes and sometimes it was me just doing what I thought should be the right way.
At my first job at the movie theatre I got in trouble all the time. And this was mostly due to the fact that my manager was a man and, not to be sexist or stereotypical, but men are terrible at giving directions and explaining shit. Sometimes though I was just unaware of proper practices. The first time I got in trouble at work was when I made juice for the juice dispenser we had and I put sugar in the juice. The previous shift I was taught how to make juice for the slushee machine and you poured the package of crystals into a jug and then two cups of sugar into the jug and then filled it with water and shook it with all your bootylicious ability. So when I was asked to make juice I did it the same way. But oh no no! Once I poured the juice into the juice dispenser my manager saw there was some undissolved sugar at the bottom of the jug and I was like oops didn't shake it enough and added some water to the jug and dissolved that sugar to add into the machine. Then he asked me, hey did you put sugar in that juice? And I said yeah and one juice package. Then he was like yelling at me that you only put sugar in the juice thats being used for slushees because it needs sugar to freeze properly. Well sor-ry sir but that was not included in my instructions orientation yesterday. Then he kept freaking out about it and I grabbed a bucket from the back counter and yelled "WELL DO YOU WANT ME TO EMPTY IT?!?" To which he replied, "WELL THATS GONNA BE SOME SUGARY JUICE!" And that was the first time I ever got in trouble at work.
There are countless times after that at that job. One time I turned the lights on too soon while waiting for a movie to get out because the credits were still rolling but I wanted people to leave. Another time I turned the popcorn machine off too soon. Anytime I ran out of popcorn I was getting the big interrogation of how could I possibly run out of popcorn when that was my only job and it wasn't like I was using an old ass slow ass machine or anything!! One time I got yelled at because my manager was draining water out of the ice buckets at the pop machines and asked if it was empty yet and I said no there's still ice in it and he was all like look in this bucket I have, what's in it? And I said water and then he was like yeah so I'm not asking about the ice, I'm asking if there's still water in it. And I was like oh kaaaay snappy mcgee there's still a little bit of water in the mother fucker, get over it.
One time, and okay this was bad, I gave people free popcorn. Like I gave them a little bag we used for the staff to snack on popcorn in between shows. They were kids I went to school with and they weren't even my friends. They were the popular kids and I just wanted to seem cool and bad ass. So I gave them this tiny bag of popcorn and it was like a hamburger bag like literally those foil bags they used to put the burger in at A&W? Like it was that small. That's why I didn't think it was a big deal. Then my boss came over and yelled at me for giving them free popcorn right in front of them and a big rush of customers and then later all of them decided they didn't want to watch the movie after all so they all got refunds and then they were messing around in the parking lot and dropped the popcorn I gave them and my boss made me go "clean up after my friends" and I had to take the broom outside and sweep it up. I just realized how I blocked this out of my memory and bringing it up again it causes tears to fill my eyes just like they did when I swept up that popcorn in front of the popular kids. After I came back inside my boss must've seen what a sad panda I was because he said "we're all good now, okay?" And I nodded my head and went to hide in the back room. (BTW this event still didn't make me cool, seen as a bad ass, or popular. What a waste of popcorn.)
At the pool job I didn't get in trouble too much. Once I sat on the base of the guard chair instead of on the actual seat and was told not to do that. It's comfier there though. One time my supervisor said that I can't sit on a regular plastic chair instead of the guard chair even if there's only one kid in the pool. But other than that there hasn't really been a time I've been in trouble. Oh wait, there was one time where I clicked the wrong button on the till and the one lady made me redo all my front counter training. The one with no cell phone, remember her? Yeah that was unnecessary. I don't know if that's really like getting in trouble though. It was definitely punishment.
So the first time I got in trouble at this new job was the other day when I was put on "extra". Extra is in my words being the bitch. You just do little odd jobs the supervisor asks you to do. So when I was told I was an extra I didn't really know what to do. I assumed it meant you could just chill in the staff room and wait to be asked to do something. So that's what I did. Trust me this wasn't fun. It meant I had to sit there and have no one talk to me and have nothing to do for like three hours. Then later the supervisor comes in and the staffroom was just packed full of people who were doing a course and were on supper break and he says for all the extras to follow him. Then outside of the staffroom he sees me within the group and says "where'd you go?" And I was like "what? I've just been waiting in there." And then he asked why I didn't go find him at all and I was like uhh I thought you'd come to me. Because I legit did. Like I was not trying to get out of doing anything. I like being busy at work, especially at a new job where you have no friends and no one talks to you in the staffroom. Then he was like "you just sat in the staffroom for three hours?" to which I replied, "uhh no like two and a half, I went to get Opa! first." Then he said I'm a bad employee. But this supervisor is pretty chill like I don't think I was actually in trouble. He was kinda laughing about it. And when he asked us to all follow him it was because he wanted to show us the secret storage spaces in the building. So I don't know if I would consider this me really getting into trouble and honestly the worst thing that could happen is me never being allowed to be put on extra again which is completely fine with me because I'd rather do what I was actually hired to do. And also I'm a boss ass bitch but I ain't no extra bitch! Booyaa!
So that's all I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm sleepy and I have to get up and drive back to Hometown tomorrow and work one shift and then drive back here to the big city to work the rest of the week. And then drive back to Hometown and work and then the city and drive, work, drive, work, driiiiiiiive, work. OMG I'm exhausted.
Good night my lovelies.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn Skyworker haha
Thursday, 26 February 2015
19 going on 90
Hiiiiiiiiiii,
Do you know that the opening statement of every post is the hardest part to write for me? I never know how to address such a diverse group of people. I mean it's too much to write out Hey Mom, Hi Grandma, What's Up Dad, Hello Auntie. I always try to write something that can be humorous but still friendly. So today you get Hiiiiiiiiiii because I'm feeling too lazy to be creative.
My roommate actually requested that I write this post because she likes to mock me about it. I have discovered I am an old soul. A very old soul. I am pretty much a 90 year old in a 20 year old's body. I'm like one of those immortals who live forever but is really like a million years old. But still look hella good! ;)
I just turned 20 in December but 20 going on 90 doesn't sound as good as 19 going on 90 so that's why the title is that way. Also because I do this thing called WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I have discovered that I am an old soul by realizing that I love doing old people things. Not things like wearing diapers and using a cane. But like the fun stuff. I love taking naps, for one. And I know that's kinda like a baby thing too but babies never feel the pleasure of a good nap. The oldies are the ones who wake up like ohhh yaaa that was good. I can nap any time of the day. I love it right after school and before supper. Sometimes I have a nap before supper with the hopes that someone will have broken in to our apartment and made me something to eat for when I wake up. That never happens but it would be fucking awesome. My roommate always walks by my bedroom door and is always like oh there's Ashlynn, napping again. It's like my thing. Ashlynn: The Napper.
I also like to eat really early. Like 3 pm is my favourite supper time. It's never busy in restaurants and never gets in the way of evening events. There's less traffic. In fact, the only people you see in restaurants at 3 pm is other old people. Having supper at 3 pm fills me up until like 10. It is just the best. It's when I am the most hungry. Old people have everything figured out.
I'm terrible at driving at night. I can't see shit. And everybody's headlights are so bright. And ever since I got a huge speeding ticket last year, I have started to just drive 80km/hr on every highway.
I would rather spend my time with cats than people. They just get me. And I am always intrigued with them playing hard to get and everything.
Lastly, I learned how to crochet this year. I decided to try so that I could make cute, homemade gifts for Christmas and it would save me a ton of money. I was so slow at first that I needed to use every free minute to finish up my projects. I was even crocheting on the bus! If that doesn't scream old lady, I don't know what does! I became a bit of a yarn hoarder and have a box and a couple bags full of different coloured skeins. I guess that the fact that every Christmas I wrap up presents and then forget what I put in them could be another old person thing. But I like that. Then when people open up the presents I get them it's like a surprise for me too. Sometimes I'm more excited than they are.
All I really have to say about being an old soul but still looking and feeling young is that it's the best. I can't wait for retirement though. I wanna retire when I'm like 40. That's the dream right there.
May the Force be with you!
Nana Ashlynn
Do you know that the opening statement of every post is the hardest part to write for me? I never know how to address such a diverse group of people. I mean it's too much to write out Hey Mom, Hi Grandma, What's Up Dad, Hello Auntie. I always try to write something that can be humorous but still friendly. So today you get Hiiiiiiiiiii because I'm feeling too lazy to be creative.
My roommate actually requested that I write this post because she likes to mock me about it. I have discovered I am an old soul. A very old soul. I am pretty much a 90 year old in a 20 year old's body. I'm like one of those immortals who live forever but is really like a million years old. But still look hella good! ;)
I just turned 20 in December but 20 going on 90 doesn't sound as good as 19 going on 90 so that's why the title is that way. Also because I do this thing called WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I have discovered that I am an old soul by realizing that I love doing old people things. Not things like wearing diapers and using a cane. But like the fun stuff. I love taking naps, for one. And I know that's kinda like a baby thing too but babies never feel the pleasure of a good nap. The oldies are the ones who wake up like ohhh yaaa that was good. I can nap any time of the day. I love it right after school and before supper. Sometimes I have a nap before supper with the hopes that someone will have broken in to our apartment and made me something to eat for when I wake up. That never happens but it would be fucking awesome. My roommate always walks by my bedroom door and is always like oh there's Ashlynn, napping again. It's like my thing. Ashlynn: The Napper.
I also like to eat really early. Like 3 pm is my favourite supper time. It's never busy in restaurants and never gets in the way of evening events. There's less traffic. In fact, the only people you see in restaurants at 3 pm is other old people. Having supper at 3 pm fills me up until like 10. It is just the best. It's when I am the most hungry. Old people have everything figured out.
I'm terrible at driving at night. I can't see shit. And everybody's headlights are so bright. And ever since I got a huge speeding ticket last year, I have started to just drive 80km/hr on every highway.
I would rather spend my time with cats than people. They just get me. And I am always intrigued with them playing hard to get and everything.
Lastly, I learned how to crochet this year. I decided to try so that I could make cute, homemade gifts for Christmas and it would save me a ton of money. I was so slow at first that I needed to use every free minute to finish up my projects. I was even crocheting on the bus! If that doesn't scream old lady, I don't know what does! I became a bit of a yarn hoarder and have a box and a couple bags full of different coloured skeins. I guess that the fact that every Christmas I wrap up presents and then forget what I put in them could be another old person thing. But I like that. Then when people open up the presents I get them it's like a surprise for me too. Sometimes I'm more excited than they are.
All I really have to say about being an old soul but still looking and feeling young is that it's the best. I can't wait for retirement though. I wanna retire when I'm like 40. That's the dream right there.
May the Force be with you!
Nana Ashlynn
Friday, 16 January 2015
Let's Talk About Poop, Baby
Hey all you poopheads!
This post is going to be a bit of a rant about our society. There are many issues in today's society. Things like how common sense is no longer common, the dependence on technology, kids becoming too spoiled for their own good. All that stuff old people like to complain about. But what my rant is about is poop.
That's right, crap; number 2; shit; doo-doo. I think you get the point. I want to talk about how it's for some reason not socially accepted to talk about poop!
The thing is that everyone poops. You have to poop or else you'll die. Poop=life. But for some reason we all try to hide the fact that we poop. But guess what world, we all do! I poop. I poop all the time! You poop! You beautiful reader, you. You make big dumps, I bet. Your boss poops, your mom poops, your dog poops, your grandma poops, your future child will poop, even Oprah Winfrey poops! That's right, even Beyoncé poops! (On a side note my dad didn't know who Beyoncé was. Haha c'mon dad pay attention. She's the fucking queen. And she also poops all the time).
Do you see where I'm going with this? We all poop and yet we try to hide it from each other all the time. Why? Because it's stinky? Because it's brown?? Because it comes from our butts? Well I, for one, am all about that bass and the digestive waste it produces. I mean everyone loves Kim Kardashian and her big, round, famous butt. So why can we talk about the booty but not the dootie?
I, for one, talk about poop with many people I am close to. My boyfriend and I discuss it all the time. I mean we don't like show each other our poop and gross stuff like that. That's crossing the line. But if my tummy is upset I'm gonna say "ugh I think I gotta poop my brains out." Like opening up about it helps you feel better when you got a nasty number 2 on the way. When you try to act like it's all good it makes you focus more on how it is not all good and you need a bathroom STAT. I told my mom that me and PattyCake openly talk about pooping and she was quite shocked. It turns out in my parent's whole 24 year marriage, they have never openly talked about poop. What? And you live together? Do you even know each other? Like how can you be together for that long and it never come up. Like you've never been like ooh that supper was too rich for me, I got mad poops happening? That is just crazy.
It's just awkward to hide poop from each other. Like when you're in the bathroom for twice the normal time, we know what's going on. You're expelling feces in there! So why be so awkward about it? If I was the queen of the world rather than Beyoncé, I would put poo-shaming to rest. I would encourage pooping in public restrooms. I would openly discuss my own pooping adventures. I mean women talk about their periods all the time and it's totally fine but you start talking about poop and you're disgusting. Well guess what ladies, only 50% of the population menstruate while 100% poop! Poop is way less disgusting than periods anyways. Don't even get me started on that nasty shit. Yuck!
The other day I was talking to Coke on the phone and we came to a little null in conversation and she said "...I pooped today." And then we started a whole 'nother conversation. I just love that. I hope you people can start talking about poop with your best friends. It is exhilarating.
Of course there is a time and place for poop. For instance, you can't talk about poop with important people or with strangers. They have to be people that can handle the poop discussions. Start with your brother or sister and best friend and move on from there. I think if the people in my life were uncomfortable with my poop discussions I couldn't have them in my life anymore. I choose poop over you, boring, pretending-to-never-poop-people!
So there you have it, you healthy poopers; my rant about society and it's unwritten no-poop-talk laws. I now would like to dare you to talk about poop with someone you love. I think you'll find it as comforting and rewarding as I do. I actually pooped right before writing this post and it was lovely.
Go ahead, world! Go poop!
Love,
AshiPooPoo
This post is going to be a bit of a rant about our society. There are many issues in today's society. Things like how common sense is no longer common, the dependence on technology, kids becoming too spoiled for their own good. All that stuff old people like to complain about. But what my rant is about is poop.
That's right, crap; number 2; shit; doo-doo. I think you get the point. I want to talk about how it's for some reason not socially accepted to talk about poop!
The thing is that everyone poops. You have to poop or else you'll die. Poop=life. But for some reason we all try to hide the fact that we poop. But guess what world, we all do! I poop. I poop all the time! You poop! You beautiful reader, you. You make big dumps, I bet. Your boss poops, your mom poops, your dog poops, your grandma poops, your future child will poop, even Oprah Winfrey poops! That's right, even Beyoncé poops! (On a side note my dad didn't know who Beyoncé was. Haha c'mon dad pay attention. She's the fucking queen. And she also poops all the time).
Do you see where I'm going with this? We all poop and yet we try to hide it from each other all the time. Why? Because it's stinky? Because it's brown?? Because it comes from our butts? Well I, for one, am all about that bass and the digestive waste it produces. I mean everyone loves Kim Kardashian and her big, round, famous butt. So why can we talk about the booty but not the dootie?
I, for one, talk about poop with many people I am close to. My boyfriend and I discuss it all the time. I mean we don't like show each other our poop and gross stuff like that. That's crossing the line. But if my tummy is upset I'm gonna say "ugh I think I gotta poop my brains out." Like opening up about it helps you feel better when you got a nasty number 2 on the way. When you try to act like it's all good it makes you focus more on how it is not all good and you need a bathroom STAT. I told my mom that me and PattyCake openly talk about pooping and she was quite shocked. It turns out in my parent's whole 24 year marriage, they have never openly talked about poop. What? And you live together? Do you even know each other? Like how can you be together for that long and it never come up. Like you've never been like ooh that supper was too rich for me, I got mad poops happening? That is just crazy.
It's just awkward to hide poop from each other. Like when you're in the bathroom for twice the normal time, we know what's going on. You're expelling feces in there! So why be so awkward about it? If I was the queen of the world rather than Beyoncé, I would put poo-shaming to rest. I would encourage pooping in public restrooms. I would openly discuss my own pooping adventures. I mean women talk about their periods all the time and it's totally fine but you start talking about poop and you're disgusting. Well guess what ladies, only 50% of the population menstruate while 100% poop! Poop is way less disgusting than periods anyways. Don't even get me started on that nasty shit. Yuck!
The other day I was talking to Coke on the phone and we came to a little null in conversation and she said "...I pooped today." And then we started a whole 'nother conversation. I just love that. I hope you people can start talking about poop with your best friends. It is exhilarating.
Of course there is a time and place for poop. For instance, you can't talk about poop with important people or with strangers. They have to be people that can handle the poop discussions. Start with your brother or sister and best friend and move on from there. I think if the people in my life were uncomfortable with my poop discussions I couldn't have them in my life anymore. I choose poop over you, boring, pretending-to-never-poop-people!
So there you have it, you healthy poopers; my rant about society and it's unwritten no-poop-talk laws. I now would like to dare you to talk about poop with someone you love. I think you'll find it as comforting and rewarding as I do. I actually pooped right before writing this post and it was lovely.
Go ahead, world! Go poop!
Love,
AshiPooPoo
Monday, 29 September 2014
Crazy Cat Lady
Hey all you beautiful creatures!
So I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I grew up having pet dogs, pet newts, pet hamsters, a rabbit and fish. But I've never had a cat. Big Poppa is allergic to cats so we've never had one and that was always fine with me because I never really felt a liking towards cats. Too many claws. But over the summer it was PattyCake and I's one year anniversary and he had been talking about wanting a cat for a while. He grew up on a farm so to go from that where he had quite a few animals around to go to nothing and living in town, it's quite a change. So I started keeping my eyes open for free kitten advertisements thinking it would be the purrfect (HAHAHA) anniversary gift. Because 1: its cute as fuck and 2: its free. I also asked his roommates if it was cool since it's their house too and I'm such a good person. One said he didn't care and the other said that the third guy wouldn't want one. I then thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea. But a day or two later, PattyCake saw I had sent a message to his roommate and was all like what did you need to message him for? And I was like oh shit you weren't supposed to see that. Then he gave me this look and I was like oh shit it sounds like I'm hiding something other than cute ass kitties from him so I told him the whole thing about how I wanted to get one but roommate #2 said that #3 probably wouldn't go for it and I'm a little scared of #3 so I wasn't gonna do it anymore. Well next time I see PattyCake he's all like so I asked him and he was super stoked so when are you getting it? So now I had to find a free kitty worthy of our affection.
It didn't take long. By the next week I had seen an ad on Facebook for free kitten outside of town and they were white and grey like a siamese cat. I've always wanted a siamese cat ever since I'd seen Lady and the Tramp as a kid. So I was pretty excited. I texted the number and asked if they had any boy kittens since they're cheaper to get fixed and they finally texted back and said "yeah, probably". I didn't really know what to take that as because I was kind of expecting a definite answer as to if any of them have dicks or not. So then I say okay well if any of the grey and white ones are boys could I come and take a look? So they hook me up with directions to their house and I text Coke to say she's coming to make sure I don't get murdered or most likely get murdered with me.
After work we grab a few basic supplies from Walmart and start to head out of town. The directions they gave me weren't very good and it took us an hour to find the place which was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I finally find the driveway they're talking about and see a truck coming down it. It's slowing down as it comes up beside me and so I open my window and a middle-aged man says "hey, thanks for taking cats!" I'm thinking well I'm only taking one like don't get too excited. He also says that some lady whose name I can't recall was waiting on the porch. So Coke and I continue driving and we're a little eery as to what kind of place this is. We finally come across the front of the house where we see a couple of full grown cats and we're like okay at least there are actually cats here and it's not just a way to entice young kitty-lovers to their house and do who-knows-what with them. We park by the side of the house and get out to go to the back porch where we can see someone standing. Approaching the porch we see many more cats. Like too many cats to count. You think you've seen them all and then five more kittens come popping out of hiding spots. There were black ones, grey ones, calico ones, and then one grey and white. I saw the grey and white one and I was like is that one a boy? I want that one. But the crazy cat lady checked and it was a girl :( but she said there were two more that looked like her but she'd have to find them in the house. Yes, there were even more kitties in the house.
After finding the other two, she confirms that one is a girl and the other may possibly be a boy. I'm like possibly? But apparently it's hard for you to tell if a cat is a boy or girl when they're young. I figured possibly was better than a definite girl. At least then if it was a girl PattyCake would most likely be attached to it when we found out it wasn't a boy and wouldn't care. So we take the kitty back to town, I drop Coke off and call PattyCake to tell him I'm coming over with a surprise. He's like "if you got me a cat, I don't want it." I was like WTF? He just told me he wanted one. Then he explained that he wanted to pick it out and I probably got a plain one that looks like everyone else's cat. I had no idea he was so picky about pet's appearances. But when I pulled up to his house, he came outside, looked at the kitten and said "this one's good" and took it inside. I passed the test.
Since the kitten was white and grey and it was raining that day we were thinking of naming it Storm. Since PattyCake and I both had to work the next day we didn't want to leave Storm home alone all day. So I texted Melaney and asked if she'd be interested in kitty-sitting. She said oh fine I'll help you out this one time but you gotta figure it out after that. So the next morning I take Storm to my house and set him up in the bathroom with his litter box, some food and water and his bed. I later get a text from Melaney saying "wow this kitty is little! I don't think he's six weeks like she told you". So then I'm kind of like oh no is my kitten too young to be away from the momma? PattyCake had the next day off so he ended up taking the kitty to the vet just to ask how old it really was and what we do in the case that he is really that young.
He was estimated to be about four weeks old and was also confirmed to be… a girl. Haha sorry PattyCake looks like you're paying for spaying! They said that she should be okay without the momma but to make sure she ate kitten kibbles for the extra calcium.
Well of course we couldn't keep the name Storm. Actually Big Poppa argued that we should since on X-Men the mutant named Storm is a girl. But I was like we want like a princess name. A cute girly name. PattyCake kept insisting that we name her Ashley just to drive me nuts. But I picked Luna. I've always wanted to get a white kitty and name her Luna. Luna is said to be the name of the moon so she has the colours in her fur and my favourite character in Harry Potter is Luna Lovegood so it was perfect. I mean PURRfect!
I never realized how much getting a pet is like having baby. I've had my fair share of pets before but never was it ultimately up to me to raise it. I had to stay up late and play her out so she'd sleep. I sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night 'cause she was hungry. I was up at the break of dawn because she had decided she was done sleeping. It was exhausting. I'd go into work and everyone would be like wow you look tired and I'd be like yeah the kitten was up half the night, I couldn't get her down. It caused PattyCake and I to fight about whose turn it was to clean the litter box. It was brutal. But it was also amazing. I remember texting my mom, who was now a proud grandma to Luna, when she finally had a solid poop after she'd needed a dewormer pill. Like I sent her an excited text saying "whoo! We have solid poop!" and Melaney replied with "Yaay!" Like the only time you are excited about poop is when you've either been constipated for a while and are finally getting relief or when your kid takes a healthy crap. All the mommas out there know what I'm talking about. You're so proud of the milestones your offspring reaches. Even when it's a fur baby. You're also extremely protective. One time we asked the two roommates if they could just keep an eye on her while we ran to the store. When we returned they mentioned how she'd been jumping off the couch onto the floor. This was when she was only four weeks old and PattyCake was like "Why would you let her do that, she's too little!" This surprised me just because boys aren't good at baby steps. I just expected PattyCake to laugh or something but he was actually concerned. It was so cute. And another time when we had to help my parents move into our new house and we left her with the roommates again, they mentioned something about running to Canadian Tire and how the cat would be fine. I tried not to be too overprotective and say no you can't leave her! But after about ten minutes of being away from the house and knowing she was there alone with plenty of plugged in cords to chew, electrify her and kill her, I started freaking out! I was like PattyCake we need to go back to the house! I ran to the door but it was locked and started yelling at PattyCake who was slowly moseying up to the door to hurry up because my baby could be dead. He opened it and I yelled Luna! and ran up the stairs. She was there playing with her rainbow crinkle ball the vet gave her on that first visit, which is her favourite toy. I think I saw PattyCake feel relief when he saw she was fine. There is no crazy when it comes to your baby.
My mom took care of Luna during the day for about three weeks which we are extremely grateful for and should really bake her a cake or something. She finally said it was time to let Luna stay home alone because she really needed to get some shit done. Luna was such a troublemaker that you needed to constantly watch her. She always wanted to go up to the dogs who were kept in the kitchen in order to be of no harm and she'd hiss at them haha like this tiny thing that could fit in your hand would hiss at adult dogs and scare the shit outta them. She's small but mighty.
PattyCake's parents came to visit and they loved Luna. I was scared she would "accidentally" be found in their suitcase when they got back home. It was so funny to them that she was so spoiled. They only ever had outdoor cats that came and went but never an indoor one. Everywhere we went we would check out things to buy her. She is definitely our little princess.
I went from a total "dog person" to a "crazy cat lady" in a matter of weeks. Although I still love dogs, cats are much less maintenance and their independence is a plus for working people like PattyCake and I. The instincts they are born with are so impressive. For instance, to potty-train a cat, you just put them in a litter box, maybe move their paw through it and they just know 'this is where I shall poop'. Luna only pooped under PattyCake's bed twice. Well we smelt it once and I looked under the bed and found a fresh pile and an old pile. But we sprayed her with the disciplinary water spray bottle and showed her what she had done and she hasn't done it since. I remember with puppies that went on for weeks. I'll admit I did have a kind of crazy method for teaching her not to go under our recliner chair at my parent's house. We were scared of her getting stuck between bars or something if we didn't realize she was under there and went to recline it so I kept having to coax her out from underneath and would say no! She still kept hiding under it. Melaney was like she's a cat and they like small, dark spaces but I was determined to teach her a lesson. After one day when she'd done it three times I finally put her downstairs in the basement in her kennel in a time out. I left the bathroom door open but kept the lights off. My mom was like where's Luna? "She's downstairs in a time-out, thinking about why she's bad." Mom laughed so hard at this. Apparently you can't put cats in time-outs. Well she only ever went under that chair two more times. She knew that every third time she would be put in the dark box so she never went that far. I call that success.
I hope to remain on this level of cat craziness. I don't really want to be on the cat-farm people's level. Although I admire them for caring for so many strays that they say get dumped on their property all the time. I just don't think the cat-shredded couch outside on the porch is something I really desire for my future home.
I'm gonna end this post with a couple pics of Luna Tuna, as PattyCake's mom called her. I bet you'll see why I risked being murdered and fed to cats for the little cutie.
I hope you are all in agreement that she was worth the risk of being chopped into a million pieces and being fed to cats. She was definitely worth it to me!
May the Force be with you!
RockAwesome and Luna
So I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I grew up having pet dogs, pet newts, pet hamsters, a rabbit and fish. But I've never had a cat. Big Poppa is allergic to cats so we've never had one and that was always fine with me because I never really felt a liking towards cats. Too many claws. But over the summer it was PattyCake and I's one year anniversary and he had been talking about wanting a cat for a while. He grew up on a farm so to go from that where he had quite a few animals around to go to nothing and living in town, it's quite a change. So I started keeping my eyes open for free kitten advertisements thinking it would be the purrfect (HAHAHA) anniversary gift. Because 1: its cute as fuck and 2: its free. I also asked his roommates if it was cool since it's their house too and I'm such a good person. One said he didn't care and the other said that the third guy wouldn't want one. I then thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea. But a day or two later, PattyCake saw I had sent a message to his roommate and was all like what did you need to message him for? And I was like oh shit you weren't supposed to see that. Then he gave me this look and I was like oh shit it sounds like I'm hiding something other than cute ass kitties from him so I told him the whole thing about how I wanted to get one but roommate #2 said that #3 probably wouldn't go for it and I'm a little scared of #3 so I wasn't gonna do it anymore. Well next time I see PattyCake he's all like so I asked him and he was super stoked so when are you getting it? So now I had to find a free kitty worthy of our affection.
It didn't take long. By the next week I had seen an ad on Facebook for free kitten outside of town and they were white and grey like a siamese cat. I've always wanted a siamese cat ever since I'd seen Lady and the Tramp as a kid. So I was pretty excited. I texted the number and asked if they had any boy kittens since they're cheaper to get fixed and they finally texted back and said "yeah, probably". I didn't really know what to take that as because I was kind of expecting a definite answer as to if any of them have dicks or not. So then I say okay well if any of the grey and white ones are boys could I come and take a look? So they hook me up with directions to their house and I text Coke to say she's coming to make sure I don't get murdered or most likely get murdered with me.
After work we grab a few basic supplies from Walmart and start to head out of town. The directions they gave me weren't very good and it took us an hour to find the place which was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I finally find the driveway they're talking about and see a truck coming down it. It's slowing down as it comes up beside me and so I open my window and a middle-aged man says "hey, thanks for taking cats!" I'm thinking well I'm only taking one like don't get too excited. He also says that some lady whose name I can't recall was waiting on the porch. So Coke and I continue driving and we're a little eery as to what kind of place this is. We finally come across the front of the house where we see a couple of full grown cats and we're like okay at least there are actually cats here and it's not just a way to entice young kitty-lovers to their house and do who-knows-what with them. We park by the side of the house and get out to go to the back porch where we can see someone standing. Approaching the porch we see many more cats. Like too many cats to count. You think you've seen them all and then five more kittens come popping out of hiding spots. There were black ones, grey ones, calico ones, and then one grey and white. I saw the grey and white one and I was like is that one a boy? I want that one. But the crazy cat lady checked and it was a girl :( but she said there were two more that looked like her but she'd have to find them in the house. Yes, there were even more kitties in the house.
After finding the other two, she confirms that one is a girl and the other may possibly be a boy. I'm like possibly? But apparently it's hard for you to tell if a cat is a boy or girl when they're young. I figured possibly was better than a definite girl. At least then if it was a girl PattyCake would most likely be attached to it when we found out it wasn't a boy and wouldn't care. So we take the kitty back to town, I drop Coke off and call PattyCake to tell him I'm coming over with a surprise. He's like "if you got me a cat, I don't want it." I was like WTF? He just told me he wanted one. Then he explained that he wanted to pick it out and I probably got a plain one that looks like everyone else's cat. I had no idea he was so picky about pet's appearances. But when I pulled up to his house, he came outside, looked at the kitten and said "this one's good" and took it inside. I passed the test.
Since the kitten was white and grey and it was raining that day we were thinking of naming it Storm. Since PattyCake and I both had to work the next day we didn't want to leave Storm home alone all day. So I texted Melaney and asked if she'd be interested in kitty-sitting. She said oh fine I'll help you out this one time but you gotta figure it out after that. So the next morning I take Storm to my house and set him up in the bathroom with his litter box, some food and water and his bed. I later get a text from Melaney saying "wow this kitty is little! I don't think he's six weeks like she told you". So then I'm kind of like oh no is my kitten too young to be away from the momma? PattyCake had the next day off so he ended up taking the kitty to the vet just to ask how old it really was and what we do in the case that he is really that young.
He was estimated to be about four weeks old and was also confirmed to be… a girl. Haha sorry PattyCake looks like you're paying for spaying! They said that she should be okay without the momma but to make sure she ate kitten kibbles for the extra calcium.
Well of course we couldn't keep the name Storm. Actually Big Poppa argued that we should since on X-Men the mutant named Storm is a girl. But I was like we want like a princess name. A cute girly name. PattyCake kept insisting that we name her Ashley just to drive me nuts. But I picked Luna. I've always wanted to get a white kitty and name her Luna. Luna is said to be the name of the moon so she has the colours in her fur and my favourite character in Harry Potter is Luna Lovegood so it was perfect. I mean PURRfect!
I never realized how much getting a pet is like having baby. I've had my fair share of pets before but never was it ultimately up to me to raise it. I had to stay up late and play her out so she'd sleep. I sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night 'cause she was hungry. I was up at the break of dawn because she had decided she was done sleeping. It was exhausting. I'd go into work and everyone would be like wow you look tired and I'd be like yeah the kitten was up half the night, I couldn't get her down. It caused PattyCake and I to fight about whose turn it was to clean the litter box. It was brutal. But it was also amazing. I remember texting my mom, who was now a proud grandma to Luna, when she finally had a solid poop after she'd needed a dewormer pill. Like I sent her an excited text saying "whoo! We have solid poop!" and Melaney replied with "Yaay!" Like the only time you are excited about poop is when you've either been constipated for a while and are finally getting relief or when your kid takes a healthy crap. All the mommas out there know what I'm talking about. You're so proud of the milestones your offspring reaches. Even when it's a fur baby. You're also extremely protective. One time we asked the two roommates if they could just keep an eye on her while we ran to the store. When we returned they mentioned how she'd been jumping off the couch onto the floor. This was when she was only four weeks old and PattyCake was like "Why would you let her do that, she's too little!" This surprised me just because boys aren't good at baby steps. I just expected PattyCake to laugh or something but he was actually concerned. It was so cute. And another time when we had to help my parents move into our new house and we left her with the roommates again, they mentioned something about running to Canadian Tire and how the cat would be fine. I tried not to be too overprotective and say no you can't leave her! But after about ten minutes of being away from the house and knowing she was there alone with plenty of plugged in cords to chew, electrify her and kill her, I started freaking out! I was like PattyCake we need to go back to the house! I ran to the door but it was locked and started yelling at PattyCake who was slowly moseying up to the door to hurry up because my baby could be dead. He opened it and I yelled Luna! and ran up the stairs. She was there playing with her rainbow crinkle ball the vet gave her on that first visit, which is her favourite toy. I think I saw PattyCake feel relief when he saw she was fine. There is no crazy when it comes to your baby.
My mom took care of Luna during the day for about three weeks which we are extremely grateful for and should really bake her a cake or something. She finally said it was time to let Luna stay home alone because she really needed to get some shit done. Luna was such a troublemaker that you needed to constantly watch her. She always wanted to go up to the dogs who were kept in the kitchen in order to be of no harm and she'd hiss at them haha like this tiny thing that could fit in your hand would hiss at adult dogs and scare the shit outta them. She's small but mighty.
PattyCake's parents came to visit and they loved Luna. I was scared she would "accidentally" be found in their suitcase when they got back home. It was so funny to them that she was so spoiled. They only ever had outdoor cats that came and went but never an indoor one. Everywhere we went we would check out things to buy her. She is definitely our little princess.
I went from a total "dog person" to a "crazy cat lady" in a matter of weeks. Although I still love dogs, cats are much less maintenance and their independence is a plus for working people like PattyCake and I. The instincts they are born with are so impressive. For instance, to potty-train a cat, you just put them in a litter box, maybe move their paw through it and they just know 'this is where I shall poop'. Luna only pooped under PattyCake's bed twice. Well we smelt it once and I looked under the bed and found a fresh pile and an old pile. But we sprayed her with the disciplinary water spray bottle and showed her what she had done and she hasn't done it since. I remember with puppies that went on for weeks. I'll admit I did have a kind of crazy method for teaching her not to go under our recliner chair at my parent's house. We were scared of her getting stuck between bars or something if we didn't realize she was under there and went to recline it so I kept having to coax her out from underneath and would say no! She still kept hiding under it. Melaney was like she's a cat and they like small, dark spaces but I was determined to teach her a lesson. After one day when she'd done it three times I finally put her downstairs in the basement in her kennel in a time out. I left the bathroom door open but kept the lights off. My mom was like where's Luna? "She's downstairs in a time-out, thinking about why she's bad." Mom laughed so hard at this. Apparently you can't put cats in time-outs. Well she only ever went under that chair two more times. She knew that every third time she would be put in the dark box so she never went that far. I call that success.
I hope to remain on this level of cat craziness. I don't really want to be on the cat-farm people's level. Although I admire them for caring for so many strays that they say get dumped on their property all the time. I just don't think the cat-shredded couch outside on the porch is something I really desire for my future home.
I'm gonna end this post with a couple pics of Luna Tuna, as PattyCake's mom called her. I bet you'll see why I risked being murdered and fed to cats for the little cutie.
This was taken on the night I picked her up. It's kind of hard to tell but she has pretty blue eyes, another reason why I wanted this kitty. They said they could change but if they made it to about seven weeks they should stay that colour so thankfully she still has them! She's now going on four months.
This is my favourite picture of her and I took it after she thought she lost me because I went down the hallway while she was in the kitchen. She meowed and I was like I'm over here silly and then she ran to me. Totes adorbs!
These were taken when she was sleeping on my lap and then when PattyCake opened a can of pop and woke her up and I captured her bitchy looking expression haha
This is her reading me a story.
This is her sleeping all cute.
This is her peeking out from her tunnel, one of many toys.
May the Force be with you!
RockAwesome and Luna
Thursday, 4 September 2014
A Post About Introverts Which Lacks a Creative Title
I'm baaaaaaack!
And by back I mean back in school :( The sad face is to set the tone of this post because I do not like school that much. School means homework and group projects and living in the scary city and getting up early. School also means I have to leave the house and go out in the world. I hate this the most. I am an introvert, you see. If you don't know what an introvert is it's someone who avoids social activities and is stressed out by social interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean we like to be completely alone all the time but we would much rather hang out with one or two people rather than a whole group. We hate having to speak in front of people and get nervous when answering a question in class. Things like that make you an introvert.
If you like going out all the time and being social and having attention on you, you are most likely an extrovert. It would be so nice to be an extrovert. I believe it is an extroverted world. College is especially an extroverted world. You're supposed to go to a new place and actually talk to people or talk in front of the class and this is horrifying for introverts like me.
Tomorrow is looking like an especially bad day to be an introvert. In my project management class we have to not only stand in front of the class and do introductions which I despise (see post: This Blog is all I have in a Busy Cafeteria) but we also have to go around the room and decide who we want in our groups for a giant group project that pretty much happens for the entire class. Like the whole class is a giant group project. I wanna cry just thinking about it. It's not only that I'm shy but my whole body reacts to having to talk in front of new people. Like I will shake for about twenty minutes after standing up and saying a quick blurb like "Hi, I'm Ashlynn I love unicorns and sparkles and eating fast food." Okay I would never say that in front of my peers but you get the idea. Just a thirty second blurb will cause a half hour of distress in my body. Heart pounding, hand shaking, palm sweating distress. The only way to stop this distress is getting drunk. But I don't think the school will be too impressed with that. I wish I could drop project management but unfortunately I need it for my degree. I have presentations in other classes too so I might as well just get used to them. Presentations will likely be a big part of my profession too. I guess the only way to get out of them would be to shut myself indoors and become a professional blogger. I guess I'd actually have to write some blogs then hey? I've brainstormed a few ideas for posts so I'll get writing them right away. I promise this because I have no friends to hang out with so I need something to do anyway.
Keep checkin in!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
And by back I mean back in school :( The sad face is to set the tone of this post because I do not like school that much. School means homework and group projects and living in the scary city and getting up early. School also means I have to leave the house and go out in the world. I hate this the most. I am an introvert, you see. If you don't know what an introvert is it's someone who avoids social activities and is stressed out by social interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean we like to be completely alone all the time but we would much rather hang out with one or two people rather than a whole group. We hate having to speak in front of people and get nervous when answering a question in class. Things like that make you an introvert.
If you like going out all the time and being social and having attention on you, you are most likely an extrovert. It would be so nice to be an extrovert. I believe it is an extroverted world. College is especially an extroverted world. You're supposed to go to a new place and actually talk to people or talk in front of the class and this is horrifying for introverts like me.
Tomorrow is looking like an especially bad day to be an introvert. In my project management class we have to not only stand in front of the class and do introductions which I despise (see post: This Blog is all I have in a Busy Cafeteria) but we also have to go around the room and decide who we want in our groups for a giant group project that pretty much happens for the entire class. Like the whole class is a giant group project. I wanna cry just thinking about it. It's not only that I'm shy but my whole body reacts to having to talk in front of new people. Like I will shake for about twenty minutes after standing up and saying a quick blurb like "Hi, I'm Ashlynn I love unicorns and sparkles and eating fast food." Okay I would never say that in front of my peers but you get the idea. Just a thirty second blurb will cause a half hour of distress in my body. Heart pounding, hand shaking, palm sweating distress. The only way to stop this distress is getting drunk. But I don't think the school will be too impressed with that. I wish I could drop project management but unfortunately I need it for my degree. I have presentations in other classes too so I might as well just get used to them. Presentations will likely be a big part of my profession too. I guess the only way to get out of them would be to shut myself indoors and become a professional blogger. I guess I'd actually have to write some blogs then hey? I've brainstormed a few ideas for posts so I'll get writing them right away. I promise this because I have no friends to hang out with so I need something to do anyway.
Keep checkin in!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Exam Week
Hello, Hello!
Here I am sitting in my condo bedroom in the city and who am I thinking about? You, my lovely readers. AKA Mom and Grandma.
So there is only five days left of my first year of college! Tomorrow I have to attend one class where I will politely watch three marketing presentations and then I'm off to my hometown for Easter weekend. On Tuesday I start exam week! Where I have three 8 am exams :( 8 am exams suck because it means I have to get on the bus at 7 am! Getting on the bus at 7 am sucks because it means I have to get up by 6:15! Getting up at 6:15 sucks because it means that I have to be in bed by like 10 and normally I can't sleep that early. 8 am exams are kind of nice though because you're done them super early and then you can go home, have a nap, and have time to study for the next 8 am exam happening the next day. Exams that are at like 3:30 suck because then you spend all your time prior to the exam studying for that exam and then after you just wanna chill because it's 5:30 already and you don't get home to eat until 6:15 or so but oh wait you have to be up at 6:15 am the next day for your last 8 am class! And then after that exam you can go home, have a nap and then return to the school for 6 pm to write your online class' final exam and then by the time you finish that one it's 8 pm and you now have to drive an hour and a half to your hometown because YOU'RE FINALLY DONE COLLEGE YEAR 1. It's a bitter-sweet thing, exam week.
In the spirit of exam week I am going to write a list of all the things I won't miss about my first year and all the things that make me happy it is finally over!
1. No more school. No more listening to boring teachers, no more homework assignments, no more group projects, no more studying, no more essay-writing, no more citing the shit out of papers. No more!
2. No more bus riding. I'm getting real tired of standing on corners, or by poles without getting paid for it.
3. No more making my own dinner. Okay, I'm sure I'll still make dinners quite a bit but at least I won't be so dependant on myself. Putting pizza pops in the microwave can be so exhausting especially after a long day of bus riding.
4. No more having to listen to my roommate's music from his room. This morning he was listening to Avril Lavigne. Like, really?
5. I'll save tons of money on gas. I really don't consider myself a citizen of any town at this point because I just travel between home and the city so much. I'm a drifter.
6. My parents just bought a new house! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to share this information at this point but the only people who read this already know anyways! I'm super excited about it. I love new houses. This one is just like five minutes out of our town so we're not really moving away, just upgrading. And my parents want to get a swim spa and a fire pit and it will be so cool!
7. I'm working at the pool again this summer and am looking forward to it. I like teaching swimming lessons and hanging out in shorts all day. And I can make some money!!
8. The last day of exams is when I get my tax-return money and I'm going shopping!!
9. I won't be lonely as much. Living somewhere else from everyone sure takes it's toll on you.
10. I can finally watch Frozen. My mom bought it but I haven't been home long enough to watch it and everyone is talking about it so damn much.
So as you can tell, I'm pretty stoked to be done with college. And to think, I still have three more years
:( this shit better get me rich.
Good luck to any fellow students also entering exam week!
May the Force be with you!
Na na na na na na na na AshMan!
Here I am sitting in my condo bedroom in the city and who am I thinking about? You, my lovely readers. AKA Mom and Grandma.
So there is only five days left of my first year of college! Tomorrow I have to attend one class where I will politely watch three marketing presentations and then I'm off to my hometown for Easter weekend. On Tuesday I start exam week! Where I have three 8 am exams :( 8 am exams suck because it means I have to get on the bus at 7 am! Getting on the bus at 7 am sucks because it means I have to get up by 6:15! Getting up at 6:15 sucks because it means that I have to be in bed by like 10 and normally I can't sleep that early. 8 am exams are kind of nice though because you're done them super early and then you can go home, have a nap, and have time to study for the next 8 am exam happening the next day. Exams that are at like 3:30 suck because then you spend all your time prior to the exam studying for that exam and then after you just wanna chill because it's 5:30 already and you don't get home to eat until 6:15 or so but oh wait you have to be up at 6:15 am the next day for your last 8 am class! And then after that exam you can go home, have a nap and then return to the school for 6 pm to write your online class' final exam and then by the time you finish that one it's 8 pm and you now have to drive an hour and a half to your hometown because YOU'RE FINALLY DONE COLLEGE YEAR 1. It's a bitter-sweet thing, exam week.
In the spirit of exam week I am going to write a list of all the things I won't miss about my first year and all the things that make me happy it is finally over!
1. No more school. No more listening to boring teachers, no more homework assignments, no more group projects, no more studying, no more essay-writing, no more citing the shit out of papers. No more!
2. No more bus riding. I'm getting real tired of standing on corners, or by poles without getting paid for it.
3. No more making my own dinner. Okay, I'm sure I'll still make dinners quite a bit but at least I won't be so dependant on myself. Putting pizza pops in the microwave can be so exhausting especially after a long day of bus riding.
4. No more having to listen to my roommate's music from his room. This morning he was listening to Avril Lavigne. Like, really?
5. I'll save tons of money on gas. I really don't consider myself a citizen of any town at this point because I just travel between home and the city so much. I'm a drifter.
6. My parents just bought a new house! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to share this information at this point but the only people who read this already know anyways! I'm super excited about it. I love new houses. This one is just like five minutes out of our town so we're not really moving away, just upgrading. And my parents want to get a swim spa and a fire pit and it will be so cool!
7. I'm working at the pool again this summer and am looking forward to it. I like teaching swimming lessons and hanging out in shorts all day. And I can make some money!!
8. The last day of exams is when I get my tax-return money and I'm going shopping!!
9. I won't be lonely as much. Living somewhere else from everyone sure takes it's toll on you.
10. I can finally watch Frozen. My mom bought it but I haven't been home long enough to watch it and everyone is talking about it so damn much.
So as you can tell, I'm pretty stoked to be done with college. And to think, I still have three more years
:( this shit better get me rich.
Good luck to any fellow students also entering exam week!
May the Force be with you!
Na na na na na na na na AshMan!
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Small Town, Small Knowledge
Hey Mom! (C'mon, let's be honest we all know it's just you)
The weirdest thing just happened to me. I was thinking of that song New York Groove and then I clicked the play button on my keyboard and that song came on. Freaky! And it's really funny because I was planning on writing about living in the big city in this post.
So, I (Blurred Lines just came on, dance interlude) have been living in the city since September and it is now February so that's…uh…carry the one…5 months and I have to say…I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING. I mean I normally just go to school on the bus and then bus back home and then travel back to my cozy small town on weekends to visit PattyCake so I have my routine I like to stick to and I have mastered it. But lately I've been expanding my horizons a bit and have found that growing up in a small town has given me a sort of handicap. For instance, last week after school a friend from class and I caught the bus together (that's right! A friend!) and then went into the downtown mall, which I have been too scared to go into, to walk through to the LRT station I didn't know existed. And this adventure was enough to blow my mind so just imagine how much I freaked out when I saw that this mall has FLOATING ESCALATORS! Yeah, you read that right. FLOATING. Like the staircases in Harry Potter. Like I was actually waiting for one of them to whip itself around and attach to a different wall. I guess people don't understand what I'm talking about when I say floating escalators and what I mean is this; escalators that are floating! Okay, no for real they are escalators that are only supported by the top and bottom so there's nothing beside them. I know that you probably don't see what the big deal is but I have only ever been on escalators that have like a staircase beside them (like in the LRT stations where I run up the staircase to race the people on the escalator because I'm in suuuuuuch good shape) or benches all around the bottom and walls built up so that you can't walk underneath. Does that make sense? I asked my friend to take a picture of me on it but he thought I was joking :( Oh yeah! And there's like escalators above other escalators and even that is like too much for me.
Another incident I encountered just yesterday included Safeway, a cart and $100 of groceries. So I hadn't gone grocery shopping really since this term started. I was just eating like soup and cereal for a month. Well I did stop in at the grocery store once after school but I couldn't buy much since I was taking it on the bus. So this was my first real time grocery shopping this term. The last time I did a large grocery shopping trip I just used a basket which was a mistake since I then had to carry a heavy, overflowing basket around the entire store. And of course I can never find anything so I walk through the Safeway like a dozen times. But anyways I have never gotten a cart at Safeway before. The grocery store I go to at home just has normal carts. Like you just grab one and put your groceries in it. Not these carts. You have to put money in these carts (and they don't even push themselves which is totally bogus! Like if I gotta pay for you, you could help push yourself at least). So I go to the carts and I'm like alright I choose you to carry my food, let's go. I tug on the cart and it doesn't budge. It is attached by a chain to all of the over carts! So then I try pulling the chain out like okay I only need one, thanks. Doesn't budge. A middle-aged woman comes in then and I see she puts a coin into a slot in the cart handle. Of course she does this after giving me a sort of weird look. A look that read "jeez, this girl doesn't know how to get a cart, good thing she has cute hair (I just got a haircut, thanks for noticing)." So then I'm like what the fuck kind of grocery store is this that I have to pay to carry my groceries in a wheeled basket? But I got a gift card for my birthday so I wasn't about to go anywhere else. Plus I was starving, like I had barely eaten in three weeks. So I grab my wallet out of my purse (it's a new wallet. It's pink.) and open the change pocket and I'm like alright you stupid cart, how much you charge? Deciding that I'm going start low and go higher like in a bidding war, I pull out a quarter. Lucky guess! Goes in like magic. Actually, goes in like a quarter in a quarter-sized slot. So then I can pull the chain out and I then I have a cart! And then I bought a cart-full of groceries which cost $100! But it was discount day, which was a nice surprise, and I had a $50 gift card from Grandma and Grandpa (thanks guys!). So then I take my groceries out to Petey and load em up in the backseat and then had to take my cart to the cart area in the parking lot. I absolutely hate it when people leave carts lying around in the parking lot. Like seriously, be a good person. I normally grab all the carts I come across and put them in the cart area. Because I am a really good person. So then I put this cart back and I'm like hey I'm gonna chain it to this other one so that they are neat and organized. Pushing this chain into place, something magical happens. My quarter pops out. I get my money back when I put my cart back. How genius is that? Safeway! Your genius is showing!
After grabbing groceries I saw that my gas tank only had a quarter in it so I was like whoa it's discount day so I can get gas right here at the Safeway gas station! So I pull up to the pump and it says that I can either pay at the pump or prepay inside. And I'm like well I don't know how much I need and PattyCake always pays at the pump so I'm sure I can figure it out. Yes, that's right, I've never paid at the gas pump before. I always gas up and then go into the convenience store and pay after. So at first I'm sticking my Safeway card in the wrong slot haha this machine had almost no instructions and it just kept saying "Please Re-Insert Card" and I'd put it in and then it would go "Quickly Remove Card" so then I'm doing this over and over again and thinking wow like how fast do I have to remove it? I don't think I can go any faster. And then I see the little scanner thing where you scan the barcode on your Safeway card. Then I'm laughing at myself for how retarded I am. As I'm sure they will be when they watch their security footage. I can just see it, couple of middle-aged men sitting around eating doughnuts "Paul! Come look at this blonde trying to put her Safeway card in the credit card slot! She does have a real cute haircut though.." Then it tells me to select which gas I want and I'm like just regular is fine. Then I start pumping until it's full. I go to pay and it asks me how much fuel I would like. And my total was something like $45 so I'm like uhh I think I'll take $45. I press the 4 and then it tells me to insert my card so I put my debit card in, enter my pin and then it tells me to start fuelling my car. So then I'm like uhh he's full of fuel, he can't fit anymore. I then decided to just go into the office and try to pay. I had to hand in a Visa card I found on the cement at the pump anyways so it wasn't a big deal. I just pretended that the pump was confused and that I knew what I was doing. The man was very proud of me for handing in this Visa card and I just wanted to be like well did you see me organize the carts earlier? So I then paid for my gas inside and went home to check my online banking app and saw that it didn't charge me twice so that's good.
So those are my examples of why I'm not ready for city living. It's just too complicated. Escalators all over the place, security deposit carts, confusing gas pumps. I can't handle all that shit. And the other day an older man was making cat noises at me on the LRT. I just reread that sentence and it totally sounds like there was an old man meowing at me. No. He was making these noises like when you're calling a cat like you kind of click your tongue or whatever. I can't explain it. Anyways, I heard someone making this noise and I thought oh my gosh! Someone has kitties on the train! I wanna pet the kitties! Cause like I love little kitties. When I first met PattyCake, his roommate had baby kitties and I named them Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. Anywheres, oh shit I just typed "anywheres" instead of anyways. Haha it's 2 AM, give me a break. Anyways* I'm sitting on the LRT with my cute haircut and looking around for kitties when I see this man is looking at me while making these noises. Holy shit, I'm the kitty. Let's just say when it came to my stop, I ran off that crazy train.
I would like to end this post by just stating again that I am just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. I took the LRT going anywhere..
Haha Journey reference in case you don't get it. If you didn't get that…kill yourself.
Just kitten! I love you no matter what references you may or may not get.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
The weirdest thing just happened to me. I was thinking of that song New York Groove and then I clicked the play button on my keyboard and that song came on. Freaky! And it's really funny because I was planning on writing about living in the big city in this post.
So, I (Blurred Lines just came on, dance interlude) have been living in the city since September and it is now February so that's…uh…carry the one…5 months and I have to say…I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING. I mean I normally just go to school on the bus and then bus back home and then travel back to my cozy small town on weekends to visit PattyCake so I have my routine I like to stick to and I have mastered it. But lately I've been expanding my horizons a bit and have found that growing up in a small town has given me a sort of handicap. For instance, last week after school a friend from class and I caught the bus together (that's right! A friend!) and then went into the downtown mall, which I have been too scared to go into, to walk through to the LRT station I didn't know existed. And this adventure was enough to blow my mind so just imagine how much I freaked out when I saw that this mall has FLOATING ESCALATORS! Yeah, you read that right. FLOATING. Like the staircases in Harry Potter. Like I was actually waiting for one of them to whip itself around and attach to a different wall. I guess people don't understand what I'm talking about when I say floating escalators and what I mean is this; escalators that are floating! Okay, no for real they are escalators that are only supported by the top and bottom so there's nothing beside them. I know that you probably don't see what the big deal is but I have only ever been on escalators that have like a staircase beside them (like in the LRT stations where I run up the staircase to race the people on the escalator because I'm in suuuuuuch good shape) or benches all around the bottom and walls built up so that you can't walk underneath. Does that make sense? I asked my friend to take a picture of me on it but he thought I was joking :( Oh yeah! And there's like escalators above other escalators and even that is like too much for me.
Another incident I encountered just yesterday included Safeway, a cart and $100 of groceries. So I hadn't gone grocery shopping really since this term started. I was just eating like soup and cereal for a month. Well I did stop in at the grocery store once after school but I couldn't buy much since I was taking it on the bus. So this was my first real time grocery shopping this term. The last time I did a large grocery shopping trip I just used a basket which was a mistake since I then had to carry a heavy, overflowing basket around the entire store. And of course I can never find anything so I walk through the Safeway like a dozen times. But anyways I have never gotten a cart at Safeway before. The grocery store I go to at home just has normal carts. Like you just grab one and put your groceries in it. Not these carts. You have to put money in these carts (and they don't even push themselves which is totally bogus! Like if I gotta pay for you, you could help push yourself at least). So I go to the carts and I'm like alright I choose you to carry my food, let's go. I tug on the cart and it doesn't budge. It is attached by a chain to all of the over carts! So then I try pulling the chain out like okay I only need one, thanks. Doesn't budge. A middle-aged woman comes in then and I see she puts a coin into a slot in the cart handle. Of course she does this after giving me a sort of weird look. A look that read "jeez, this girl doesn't know how to get a cart, good thing she has cute hair (I just got a haircut, thanks for noticing)." So then I'm like what the fuck kind of grocery store is this that I have to pay to carry my groceries in a wheeled basket? But I got a gift card for my birthday so I wasn't about to go anywhere else. Plus I was starving, like I had barely eaten in three weeks. So I grab my wallet out of my purse (it's a new wallet. It's pink.) and open the change pocket and I'm like alright you stupid cart, how much you charge? Deciding that I'm going start low and go higher like in a bidding war, I pull out a quarter. Lucky guess! Goes in like magic. Actually, goes in like a quarter in a quarter-sized slot. So then I can pull the chain out and I then I have a cart! And then I bought a cart-full of groceries which cost $100! But it was discount day, which was a nice surprise, and I had a $50 gift card from Grandma and Grandpa (thanks guys!). So then I take my groceries out to Petey and load em up in the backseat and then had to take my cart to the cart area in the parking lot. I absolutely hate it when people leave carts lying around in the parking lot. Like seriously, be a good person. I normally grab all the carts I come across and put them in the cart area. Because I am a really good person. So then I put this cart back and I'm like hey I'm gonna chain it to this other one so that they are neat and organized. Pushing this chain into place, something magical happens. My quarter pops out. I get my money back when I put my cart back. How genius is that? Safeway! Your genius is showing!
After grabbing groceries I saw that my gas tank only had a quarter in it so I was like whoa it's discount day so I can get gas right here at the Safeway gas station! So I pull up to the pump and it says that I can either pay at the pump or prepay inside. And I'm like well I don't know how much I need and PattyCake always pays at the pump so I'm sure I can figure it out. Yes, that's right, I've never paid at the gas pump before. I always gas up and then go into the convenience store and pay after. So at first I'm sticking my Safeway card in the wrong slot haha this machine had almost no instructions and it just kept saying "Please Re-Insert Card" and I'd put it in and then it would go "Quickly Remove Card" so then I'm doing this over and over again and thinking wow like how fast do I have to remove it? I don't think I can go any faster. And then I see the little scanner thing where you scan the barcode on your Safeway card. Then I'm laughing at myself for how retarded I am. As I'm sure they will be when they watch their security footage. I can just see it, couple of middle-aged men sitting around eating doughnuts "Paul! Come look at this blonde trying to put her Safeway card in the credit card slot! She does have a real cute haircut though.." Then it tells me to select which gas I want and I'm like just regular is fine. Then I start pumping until it's full. I go to pay and it asks me how much fuel I would like. And my total was something like $45 so I'm like uhh I think I'll take $45. I press the 4 and then it tells me to insert my card so I put my debit card in, enter my pin and then it tells me to start fuelling my car. So then I'm like uhh he's full of fuel, he can't fit anymore. I then decided to just go into the office and try to pay. I had to hand in a Visa card I found on the cement at the pump anyways so it wasn't a big deal. I just pretended that the pump was confused and that I knew what I was doing. The man was very proud of me for handing in this Visa card and I just wanted to be like well did you see me organize the carts earlier? So I then paid for my gas inside and went home to check my online banking app and saw that it didn't charge me twice so that's good.
So those are my examples of why I'm not ready for city living. It's just too complicated. Escalators all over the place, security deposit carts, confusing gas pumps. I can't handle all that shit. And the other day an older man was making cat noises at me on the LRT. I just reread that sentence and it totally sounds like there was an old man meowing at me. No. He was making these noises like when you're calling a cat like you kind of click your tongue or whatever. I can't explain it. Anyways, I heard someone making this noise and I thought oh my gosh! Someone has kitties on the train! I wanna pet the kitties! Cause like I love little kitties. When I first met PattyCake, his roommate had baby kitties and I named them Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. Anywheres, oh shit I just typed "anywheres" instead of anyways. Haha it's 2 AM, give me a break. Anyways* I'm sitting on the LRT with my cute haircut and looking around for kitties when I see this man is looking at me while making these noises. Holy shit, I'm the kitty. Let's just say when it came to my stop, I ran off that crazy train.
I would like to end this post by just stating again that I am just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. I took the LRT going anywhere..
Haha Journey reference in case you don't get it. If you didn't get that…kill yourself.
Just kitten! I love you no matter what references you may or may not get.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
Thursday, 9 January 2014
Resolutions
Hey homies,
So it's 2014 now as I'm sure you know. How was your New Year's Eve? Mine consisted of playing Mario Kart with the bf and him falling asleep at 11:30 haha that's fine with me. I'm over the whole party thing I think. Every time I go to the bar now I feel like my mom. For instance, I start saying things like "why's it so hot in here?" or "it's so crowded, I need some space!" So I skipped that New Year's Eve tradition I guess. Another one I skipped was making a New Year's resolution. Well I told PattyCake that I wanted to drink more water but I didn't really make a life changing, hopeful promise to myself that I would do better this year. I'm starting to think that I'm really the best I can be. I mean if something is perfect you don't go changing anything right?
So for this post I started to think of all the things I really could've made my resolution. Even though I say I'm all that and a bag of potato chips I don't really mean it (I try not to eat potato chips; they make me break out). So this is a list of all the things I should probably start doing but am 99.99% likely not to:
1. Stop eating Wendy's. Nope. Not happening. I'd marry Wendy if I met her. And I am not keen on gingers. I just love my JBCs.
2. Play my guitar more often. I went to this job fair in grade 10 or 11 and told everyone there I was being a rockstar when I grew up. I should get that attitude back.
3. Use the lotion I bought in October. You walk into Bath and Body Works once and come out with ten years worth of body lotion and I have only used like 20mls. What a waste.
4. Smile more often. I feel like I look like a dweeb when I smile. You know those girls who just have a beautiful smile and it like lights up the room? Yeah, I don't have one of those. I just have a weird smile. No one has ever complimented my smile :( I wonder if there's somewhere where they teach you how to smile nicely.
5. Make friends. I still haven't really made any friends at college. I got along really well with the people in one of my group projects but we have no classes together now and I don't want to be that one that's in a group once and can't let go.
6. Stop being obsessed with The Little Mermaid. I say this because I just went to Walmart for a binder, razors and a new pillow and came home with Little Mermaid sheets and no binder. But I am so excited to put them on my bed. Like this is the best part of my week.
7. Blog more often. I really have no excuse. I can't even say I have no material because really the voices in my head make everyday entertaining. It's really just pure laziness.
8. Actually write the posts I promise to write. I keep doing this to you guys where I'm like 'yeah next post will include this' or something along those lines and I never follow through. Sorry, I'm human and I'm 97% sure only my mom reads this blog and I tell her all those stories anyways.
9. Drink more water. I seriously go like all day without drinking anything. And then when I get home I have maybe two drinks which isn't close to enough. Especially considering it's usually a coke and a glass of milk.
10. Stop thinking of sharks while swimming. Me and the roomie watched Soul Surfer like two months ago and the last time I went for a swim in our condo's pool I, of course, started to think of it. That was a quick dip for sure.
11. Stop imagining I'm in The Shining while walking to the condo's pool. Okay I have to explain this one a bit. Our condo is made up of multiple hallways with doors at each end and the pool is on the other side of the building from our apartment so I have to walk through almost like a hamster maze to get there. And it's always creepily quiet and then when you do get to the pool it is also quiet as fuck and all you can hear are the pipes in the mechanical room. At least that's what I tell myself the noises are. Maybe it's the shark sleeping.
12. Stop breaking stuff in my car. I now have broken remote start, only defrost setting and a broken headlight. I have no idea why the remote start isn't working. I broke the vent setting thing. It was frozen but I thought it was just being stubborn so I twisted it really hard and snapped something inside. I think my dad broke my headlight. I thought it was just burnt out so I bought new bulbs and he was changing it for me and broke off some piece and it's still not working so he says its probably a connection problem that is not his fault. Thanks a lot, Dad.
Well I think that should be good for this year. I'm not even gonna waste time writing that I'll be working out because we all know that ain't gonna happen. I am still taking the stairs everyday and have one class two buildings away from all my other classes so all that hiking is my workout.
I hope you guys have a great year and haven't given up on your resolutions already!
And look at me, I'm not even gonna tell you what I'll write about next time. One thing down!
May the Force be with you,
RockAwesome
So it's 2014 now as I'm sure you know. How was your New Year's Eve? Mine consisted of playing Mario Kart with the bf and him falling asleep at 11:30 haha that's fine with me. I'm over the whole party thing I think. Every time I go to the bar now I feel like my mom. For instance, I start saying things like "why's it so hot in here?" or "it's so crowded, I need some space!" So I skipped that New Year's Eve tradition I guess. Another one I skipped was making a New Year's resolution. Well I told PattyCake that I wanted to drink more water but I didn't really make a life changing, hopeful promise to myself that I would do better this year. I'm starting to think that I'm really the best I can be. I mean if something is perfect you don't go changing anything right?
So for this post I started to think of all the things I really could've made my resolution. Even though I say I'm all that and a bag of potato chips I don't really mean it (I try not to eat potato chips; they make me break out). So this is a list of all the things I should probably start doing but am 99.99% likely not to:
1. Stop eating Wendy's. Nope. Not happening. I'd marry Wendy if I met her. And I am not keen on gingers. I just love my JBCs.
2. Play my guitar more often. I went to this job fair in grade 10 or 11 and told everyone there I was being a rockstar when I grew up. I should get that attitude back.
3. Use the lotion I bought in October. You walk into Bath and Body Works once and come out with ten years worth of body lotion and I have only used like 20mls. What a waste.
4. Smile more often. I feel like I look like a dweeb when I smile. You know those girls who just have a beautiful smile and it like lights up the room? Yeah, I don't have one of those. I just have a weird smile. No one has ever complimented my smile :( I wonder if there's somewhere where they teach you how to smile nicely.
5. Make friends. I still haven't really made any friends at college. I got along really well with the people in one of my group projects but we have no classes together now and I don't want to be that one that's in a group once and can't let go.
6. Stop being obsessed with The Little Mermaid. I say this because I just went to Walmart for a binder, razors and a new pillow and came home with Little Mermaid sheets and no binder. But I am so excited to put them on my bed. Like this is the best part of my week.
7. Blog more often. I really have no excuse. I can't even say I have no material because really the voices in my head make everyday entertaining. It's really just pure laziness.
8. Actually write the posts I promise to write. I keep doing this to you guys where I'm like 'yeah next post will include this' or something along those lines and I never follow through. Sorry, I'm human and I'm 97% sure only my mom reads this blog and I tell her all those stories anyways.
9. Drink more water. I seriously go like all day without drinking anything. And then when I get home I have maybe two drinks which isn't close to enough. Especially considering it's usually a coke and a glass of milk.
10. Stop thinking of sharks while swimming. Me and the roomie watched Soul Surfer like two months ago and the last time I went for a swim in our condo's pool I, of course, started to think of it. That was a quick dip for sure.
11. Stop imagining I'm in The Shining while walking to the condo's pool. Okay I have to explain this one a bit. Our condo is made up of multiple hallways with doors at each end and the pool is on the other side of the building from our apartment so I have to walk through almost like a hamster maze to get there. And it's always creepily quiet and then when you do get to the pool it is also quiet as fuck and all you can hear are the pipes in the mechanical room. At least that's what I tell myself the noises are. Maybe it's the shark sleeping.
12. Stop breaking stuff in my car. I now have broken remote start, only defrost setting and a broken headlight. I have no idea why the remote start isn't working. I broke the vent setting thing. It was frozen but I thought it was just being stubborn so I twisted it really hard and snapped something inside. I think my dad broke my headlight. I thought it was just burnt out so I bought new bulbs and he was changing it for me and broke off some piece and it's still not working so he says its probably a connection problem that is not his fault. Thanks a lot, Dad.
Well I think that should be good for this year. I'm not even gonna waste time writing that I'll be working out because we all know that ain't gonna happen. I am still taking the stairs everyday and have one class two buildings away from all my other classes so all that hiking is my workout.
I hope you guys have a great year and haven't given up on your resolutions already!
And look at me, I'm not even gonna tell you what I'll write about next time. One thing down!
May the Force be with you,
RockAwesome
Monday, 11 November 2013
You Want It, You Got It
BUST IT!
I am currently listening to Bust A Move on repeat in order to get in the zone. I recently created a pageviews contest/ strike. I simply went on Facebook and Instagram and stated that I refuse to write a new post until I had so many pageviews. I have finally checked how many pageviews I have and it is over the amount I requested! So thanks for sitting at home and hitting the refresh button, Mom!
I should really be in bed so I'm gonna make this a simple update post to just let y'all know what's up.
1. Rocking it at school, but we all knew I was a genius
2. Still have made no friends but really, no one is good enough
3. Bonsai tree is still alive but I have stopped watering it everyday because my Grandma told me it might be too much love (who knew there was such a thing?)
4. Hogwarts is still playing hard to get
5. Man fell asleep on me on the bus
6. Well he was sick and dozed off and started to lean into me but woke up when I shifted my arm
7. Sorry, sir, I'm taken
8. I've had to take the elevators a few times when I was sick or late
9. I missed a week of school because I had mono :( which I hate telling people because it makes me sound like a slut
10. I was almost a unicorn for Halloween
11. Long story short: I got dressed up in my unicorn costume, got tired, took off costume, went to bed
12. My parents bought a robotic garbage can
13. Ummmmm...
14. That's all I got
15. Good night! More detailed post will come soon!
May the Force be with you!
AshMan
I am currently listening to Bust A Move on repeat in order to get in the zone. I recently created a pageviews contest/ strike. I simply went on Facebook and Instagram and stated that I refuse to write a new post until I had so many pageviews. I have finally checked how many pageviews I have and it is over the amount I requested! So thanks for sitting at home and hitting the refresh button, Mom!
I should really be in bed so I'm gonna make this a simple update post to just let y'all know what's up.
1. Rocking it at school, but we all knew I was a genius
2. Still have made no friends but really, no one is good enough
3. Bonsai tree is still alive but I have stopped watering it everyday because my Grandma told me it might be too much love (who knew there was such a thing?)
4. Hogwarts is still playing hard to get
5. Man fell asleep on me on the bus
6. Well he was sick and dozed off and started to lean into me but woke up when I shifted my arm
7. Sorry, sir, I'm taken
8. I've had to take the elevators a few times when I was sick or late
9. I missed a week of school because I had mono :( which I hate telling people because it makes me sound like a slut
10. I was almost a unicorn for Halloween
11. Long story short: I got dressed up in my unicorn costume, got tired, took off costume, went to bed
12. My parents bought a robotic garbage can
13. Ummmmm...
14. That's all I got
15. Good night! More detailed post will come soon!
May the Force be with you!
AshMan
Wednesday, 4 September 2013
This Blog is all I have in a Busy Cafeteria
Hello! Hello! Off to school we go!
I am currently sitting in the cafeteria at my new college trying to look too cool for friends by typing away on my phone. Hogwarts still hasn't gotten ahold of me and isn't returning my calls or emails so I decided I would make it jealous by coming to E-town. What am I majoring in? Badassness.
So I have now quit my jobs and am living in the city. It's alright so far. I'm going to visit home this weekend to see Mr. Gnarles and take Petey back to the mechanic's again since he's being a bitch and blasting unconditioned air.
I have to take an hour bus ride to school every morning and so far it hasn't been too bad. It's kind of weird though like I feel like I'm late when I'm on it because of all the stopping. I'm sure it would be faster to drive myself but I don't wanna pay for parking or deal with crazy drivers. And I really don't know my way around that well. Last night I went to Wendy's and then did about three circles trying to go home. First I accidentally turned into a parking lot that had its own turning lane. I'm not even embarrassed to admit that, I mean I'm from a small town, I've never seen that shit. Then when I got back on the right track I put myself in the left turning lane instead of just keeping left. I swear my GPS hates me. I'm waiting for it to just start swearing at me for being an idiot. So far no one creepy has sat beside me on the bus. Yesterday there was a lady with a moustache on the bus. Not like a super full grown 'stache but just like a woman with excessive upper lip hair who should probably do something about it. Or maybe share her secret with me so that I can finally become a part of Beardy and Seannanigans' Team Beard. This lady had two little boys with her and they were on their way to daycare. Every time the LRT would go by they would say "bye choo-choo!" which I found rather adorable. But then we were on the next bus waiting for it to leave the station and the LRT was loading people at their station across the street and I had to listen to "bye choo-choo" repeatedly for five minutes. Mustache tried to tell them that was enough but I guess they didn't agree. Pretty risky, whenever a mustache tells me to do something I do it. If the bus had left a minute later I would've been yelling "LEAVE CHOO-CHOO, LEAVE!!"
While here at college I'm really hoping to find myself. I've always thought it would be impossible since I think I've already lost a great portion of my mind. Not The Great Portion but a rather large portion. I did, however, manage to find out something about myself; I hate elevators. Living in a population of 7000 the only real elevators we have are in hotels or the hospital and since I rarely enter either I don't ride them very often. I've gone on the ones in west Ed but its only one floor difference. The ones in my college go up to the 7th floor of my program building and scare the shit out of me. I have gone in them I think three times and every time I have to hold onto the rail at the back and I sort of run through the doors. I don't like the dropping feeling whenever it starts or stops and I also have an image in my head of the doors closing while I'm going through them. This is why I took the stairs this morning all the way up to my 7th floor class. There's two flights of stairs per floor so after 14 I'm pretty sure the entire building could hear my heartbeat. But I mean exercise is good. I'm really determined to not gain 'The Freshman Fifteen' and have only been to Wendy's once...since yesterday :p
In my classes yesterday we had to do that thing where you say your name and something interesting about yourself. I fucking hate that. Like honestly I don't give a shit what you did this summer, I don't even know you. And everything someone says to try to be interesting isn't. Like even I forget all the interesting things about myself when put on the spot. Like my best friend is a 3 foot gnome, my favourite animal is the unicorn, my favourite color is sparkles, I'm a wizard, I love Wendy's, I drive a lemon car, I'm a lifeguard therefore mermaid and I bought a bonsai tree and its super badass and hasn't died yet, Dad, even though you said it would. Like if I said all that everyone would scooch their chairs to the opposite side of the classroom. Because that much awesomeness is really hard for most people to handle.
I actually am taking really good care of my bonsai tree. I water it every morning and put it out on the patio for sunlight and then bring it in at night. It's even growing new leaves because it just loves me so much.
Not sure if you guys have noticed this about me but I love things that are either miniature or gigantic (she said half of that ;) ) and I give inanimate objects personalities (watched Toy Story one too many times). See, not only am I finding myself but I'm also helping you find me.
I better get going though. I have my last class in half an hour and have to climb the stairs.
Have fun at school, nerds!
May the Force be with you!
-Rock Mutha Fuckin Awesome
(Feeling confident today, I am)
Sunday, 28 July 2013
My Ex Got SnapChat
Hello all my magical people!!!
I firstly need to apologize for how long it's been. I have been going through a lot in my personal life including getting ready for college and working my butt off to afford to not work my butt off while at college. I have also been dealing with a pretty dramatic breakup that my friends are all tired of hearing about. So I'm going to tell my readers about it.
Actually I'm not going to open up to all the things that happened because honestly it's none of your beeswax. But I am going to say that we ended things because I'm just too awesome to handle ;)
Actually he was kind of an asshole.
Anyways, I just found out that he now has SnapChat. "What is SnapChat?" some of you old farts might ask. Well it is an app you can download on your smartphone to send pictures to your friends. I actually went to the app store to find how they define SnapChat to explain it to you;
"Snap a photo or a video, add a caption, and send it to a friend (or maybe a few). They'll view it, laugh, and then the snap disappears from the screen-unless your friend takes a screenshot!"
So it's pretty much my Me-Memes but they made it into an app. My friends and I use it all the time. PattyStabs is like the queen of SnapChat. We don't even text anymore, we just SnapChat. I wanted to add some examples so that you can really get the idea of it.
These are just a couple random ones that I saved onto my phone. They only give you one line for a caption so sometimes you have to get creative and send a series of photos so that you can fit your whole sentence in.
So when I saw that Asshead now has SnapChat I started to think of all the Snaps I could send him. Now I'm not gonna be that psycho ex-girlfriend and actually send them to him but I thought that they were pretty blog-worthy, especially since he doesn't know of this little ol' blog.
I took the photos on my laptop so I'll just write the captions underneath.
I firstly need to apologize for how long it's been. I have been going through a lot in my personal life including getting ready for college and working my butt off to afford to not work my butt off while at college. I have also been dealing with a pretty dramatic breakup that my friends are all tired of hearing about. So I'm going to tell my readers about it.
Actually I'm not going to open up to all the things that happened because honestly it's none of your beeswax. But I am going to say that we ended things because I'm just too awesome to handle ;)
Actually he was kind of an asshole.
Anyways, I just found out that he now has SnapChat. "What is SnapChat?" some of you old farts might ask. Well it is an app you can download on your smartphone to send pictures to your friends. I actually went to the app store to find how they define SnapChat to explain it to you;
"Snap a photo or a video, add a caption, and send it to a friend (or maybe a few). They'll view it, laugh, and then the snap disappears from the screen-unless your friend takes a screenshot!"
So it's pretty much my Me-Memes but they made it into an app. My friends and I use it all the time. PattyStabs is like the queen of SnapChat. We don't even text anymore, we just SnapChat. I wanted to add some examples so that you can really get the idea of it.
These are just a couple random ones that I saved onto my phone. They only give you one line for a caption so sometimes you have to get creative and send a series of photos so that you can fit your whole sentence in.
So when I saw that Asshead now has SnapChat I started to think of all the Snaps I could send him. Now I'm not gonna be that psycho ex-girlfriend and actually send them to him but I thought that they were pretty blog-worthy, especially since he doesn't know of this little ol' blog.
"Writing songs about how much I hate you!"
"Hanging out with my new bf!"
"Think I left my hairbrush at your house..."
"I WANT MY HAIRBRUSH BACK!"
"Wish you were here!"
"Oops, wrong person!"
"Wish you were dead."
"GUESS WHAT!?!"
"You Suck."
"Miss me yet?"
"Yeah you do!"
Haha, I just love em. I was having so much fun taking pictures with Gnarles Barkley that I wanted to upload some extras for you guys. We just look so cute together! <3
Best Friends!
Rock on, rockers.
Gonna be the best post EVER!!
Suck on that, suckers.
I think that pretty much wraps up this post. And just be warned, you mess with me and I'll mess you up and write mean blogs about you. I'm pretty much Taylor Swift.
May the Force be with you!
But not you, Asshead, you wish the Force was with you.
-Ashlynn and Gnarly
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