Wow, if you looked up the word 'forever' in the dictionary it would say "how long ago Ashlynn wrote a fucking blog post". I'm sorry about being MIA my beautiful people. I will quickly bring you up to date on the events in my life.
1)Now done year 2 of college, two more to go
2)Now crocheting baby blankets to sell on the side of the road for cash to buy drugs and alcohol
3)Just kidding about selling them on the side of the road
4)It'll mostly be in alleyways and in the underground train stations
5)I'm living in the citaaaay for the summaaaaa and I finally decorated the room I've been living in for two years now
And finally to the thing I wanted to talk about the most in this post!(haha that rhymed)
6)I started a new job this month!
This is due to the fact that I was not given a full time position for the summer at my job in Hometown USA.(just kidding, I don't live in the USA, Canada REPRESENT!, I just don't disclose that much personal information to y'all in the slight chance that someone reading this isn't my relative and is also a stalker) Since I need money to like breathe air and stuff this caused a problem. So I decided to look for a second job because, as those of you who have been with me since the birth of this bloggy know; I rock at two jobs. Except that I'm getting old and tired and cranky and now my two jobs are in two different towns and I don't wanna do it anymore :'(
But anyways, so I started this new job a few weeks ago and like it's alright. I don't mind it. But I kind of forgot what it's like to start a whole new job where you don't know anyone at all. Like last summer I just returned to my old job at the pool so I knew mostly everyone there and knew what I was doing. So I kind of forgot what it's like to be thrown into a completely new place with all new people who you don't know at all. You know what it's like? It fucking sucks. Excuse my language, it's fucking terrible.
I hate being in new places. I hate meeting new people. I hate being the new girl. I especially hate being the new boy. And I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And I hate getting in trouble because I didn't know what I was doing. And I hate getting into trouble for just being a plain old bad ass.
I've usually stayed out of trouble for most of my life. At home and at school I was usually quite obedient. Sometimes at work though I'll admit, I've been in trouble. Usually it's just rookie mistakes and sometimes it was me just doing what I thought should be the right way.
At my first job at the movie theatre I got in trouble all the time. And this was mostly due to the fact that my manager was a man and, not to be sexist or stereotypical, but men are terrible at giving directions and explaining shit. Sometimes though I was just unaware of proper practices. The first time I got in trouble at work was when I made juice for the juice dispenser we had and I put sugar in the juice. The previous shift I was taught how to make juice for the slushee machine and you poured the package of crystals into a jug and then two cups of sugar into the jug and then filled it with water and shook it with all your bootylicious ability. So when I was asked to make juice I did it the same way. But oh no no! Once I poured the juice into the juice dispenser my manager saw there was some undissolved sugar at the bottom of the jug and I was like oops didn't shake it enough and added some water to the jug and dissolved that sugar to add into the machine. Then he asked me, hey did you put sugar in that juice? And I said yeah and one juice package. Then he was like yelling at me that you only put sugar in the juice thats being used for slushees because it needs sugar to freeze properly. Well sor-ry sir but that was not included in my instructions orientation yesterday. Then he kept freaking out about it and I grabbed a bucket from the back counter and yelled "WELL DO YOU WANT ME TO EMPTY IT?!?" To which he replied, "WELL THATS GONNA BE SOME SUGARY JUICE!" And that was the first time I ever got in trouble at work.
There are countless times after that at that job. One time I turned the lights on too soon while waiting for a movie to get out because the credits were still rolling but I wanted people to leave. Another time I turned the popcorn machine off too soon. Anytime I ran out of popcorn I was getting the big interrogation of how could I possibly run out of popcorn when that was my only job and it wasn't like I was using an old ass slow ass machine or anything!! One time I got yelled at because my manager was draining water out of the ice buckets at the pop machines and asked if it was empty yet and I said no there's still ice in it and he was all like look in this bucket I have, what's in it? And I said water and then he was like yeah so I'm not asking about the ice, I'm asking if there's still water in it. And I was like oh kaaaay snappy mcgee there's still a little bit of water in the mother fucker, get over it.
One time, and okay this was bad, I gave people free popcorn. Like I gave them a little bag we used for the staff to snack on popcorn in between shows. They were kids I went to school with and they weren't even my friends. They were the popular kids and I just wanted to seem cool and bad ass. So I gave them this tiny bag of popcorn and it was like a hamburger bag like literally those foil bags they used to put the burger in at A&W? Like it was that small. That's why I didn't think it was a big deal. Then my boss came over and yelled at me for giving them free popcorn right in front of them and a big rush of customers and then later all of them decided they didn't want to watch the movie after all so they all got refunds and then they were messing around in the parking lot and dropped the popcorn I gave them and my boss made me go "clean up after my friends" and I had to take the broom outside and sweep it up. I just realized how I blocked this out of my memory and bringing it up again it causes tears to fill my eyes just like they did when I swept up that popcorn in front of the popular kids. After I came back inside my boss must've seen what a sad panda I was because he said "we're all good now, okay?" And I nodded my head and went to hide in the back room. (BTW this event still didn't make me cool, seen as a bad ass, or popular. What a waste of popcorn.)
At the pool job I didn't get in trouble too much. Once I sat on the base of the guard chair instead of on the actual seat and was told not to do that. It's comfier there though. One time my supervisor said that I can't sit on a regular plastic chair instead of the guard chair even if there's only one kid in the pool. But other than that there hasn't really been a time I've been in trouble. Oh wait, there was one time where I clicked the wrong button on the till and the one lady made me redo all my front counter training. The one with no cell phone, remember her? Yeah that was unnecessary. I don't know if that's really like getting in trouble though. It was definitely punishment.
So the first time I got in trouble at this new job was the other day when I was put on "extra". Extra is in my words being the bitch. You just do little odd jobs the supervisor asks you to do. So when I was told I was an extra I didn't really know what to do. I assumed it meant you could just chill in the staff room and wait to be asked to do something. So that's what I did. Trust me this wasn't fun. It meant I had to sit there and have no one talk to me and have nothing to do for like three hours. Then later the supervisor comes in and the staffroom was just packed full of people who were doing a course and were on supper break and he says for all the extras to follow him. Then outside of the staffroom he sees me within the group and says "where'd you go?" And I was like "what? I've just been waiting in there." And then he asked why I didn't go find him at all and I was like uhh I thought you'd come to me. Because I legit did. Like I was not trying to get out of doing anything. I like being busy at work, especially at a new job where you have no friends and no one talks to you in the staffroom. Then he was like "you just sat in the staffroom for three hours?" to which I replied, "uhh no like two and a half, I went to get Opa! first." Then he said I'm a bad employee. But this supervisor is pretty chill like I don't think I was actually in trouble. He was kinda laughing about it. And when he asked us to all follow him it was because he wanted to show us the secret storage spaces in the building. So I don't know if I would consider this me really getting into trouble and honestly the worst thing that could happen is me never being allowed to be put on extra again which is completely fine with me because I'd rather do what I was actually hired to do. And also I'm a boss ass bitch but I ain't no extra bitch! Booyaa!
So that's all I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm sleepy and I have to get up and drive back to Hometown tomorrow and work one shift and then drive back here to the big city to work the rest of the week. And then drive back to Hometown and work and then the city and drive, work, drive, work, driiiiiiiive, work. OMG I'm exhausted.
Good night my lovelies.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn Skyworker haha
Friday, 29 May 2015
Thursday, 26 February 2015
19 going on 90
Hiiiiiiiiiii,
Do you know that the opening statement of every post is the hardest part to write for me? I never know how to address such a diverse group of people. I mean it's too much to write out Hey Mom, Hi Grandma, What's Up Dad, Hello Auntie. I always try to write something that can be humorous but still friendly. So today you get Hiiiiiiiiiii because I'm feeling too lazy to be creative.
My roommate actually requested that I write this post because she likes to mock me about it. I have discovered I am an old soul. A very old soul. I am pretty much a 90 year old in a 20 year old's body. I'm like one of those immortals who live forever but is really like a million years old. But still look hella good! ;)
I just turned 20 in December but 20 going on 90 doesn't sound as good as 19 going on 90 so that's why the title is that way. Also because I do this thing called WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I have discovered that I am an old soul by realizing that I love doing old people things. Not things like wearing diapers and using a cane. But like the fun stuff. I love taking naps, for one. And I know that's kinda like a baby thing too but babies never feel the pleasure of a good nap. The oldies are the ones who wake up like ohhh yaaa that was good. I can nap any time of the day. I love it right after school and before supper. Sometimes I have a nap before supper with the hopes that someone will have broken in to our apartment and made me something to eat for when I wake up. That never happens but it would be fucking awesome. My roommate always walks by my bedroom door and is always like oh there's Ashlynn, napping again. It's like my thing. Ashlynn: The Napper.
I also like to eat really early. Like 3 pm is my favourite supper time. It's never busy in restaurants and never gets in the way of evening events. There's less traffic. In fact, the only people you see in restaurants at 3 pm is other old people. Having supper at 3 pm fills me up until like 10. It is just the best. It's when I am the most hungry. Old people have everything figured out.
I'm terrible at driving at night. I can't see shit. And everybody's headlights are so bright. And ever since I got a huge speeding ticket last year, I have started to just drive 80km/hr on every highway.
I would rather spend my time with cats than people. They just get me. And I am always intrigued with them playing hard to get and everything.
Lastly, I learned how to crochet this year. I decided to try so that I could make cute, homemade gifts for Christmas and it would save me a ton of money. I was so slow at first that I needed to use every free minute to finish up my projects. I was even crocheting on the bus! If that doesn't scream old lady, I don't know what does! I became a bit of a yarn hoarder and have a box and a couple bags full of different coloured skeins. I guess that the fact that every Christmas I wrap up presents and then forget what I put in them could be another old person thing. But I like that. Then when people open up the presents I get them it's like a surprise for me too. Sometimes I'm more excited than they are.
All I really have to say about being an old soul but still looking and feeling young is that it's the best. I can't wait for retirement though. I wanna retire when I'm like 40. That's the dream right there.
May the Force be with you!
Nana Ashlynn
Do you know that the opening statement of every post is the hardest part to write for me? I never know how to address such a diverse group of people. I mean it's too much to write out Hey Mom, Hi Grandma, What's Up Dad, Hello Auntie. I always try to write something that can be humorous but still friendly. So today you get Hiiiiiiiiiii because I'm feeling too lazy to be creative.
My roommate actually requested that I write this post because she likes to mock me about it. I have discovered I am an old soul. A very old soul. I am pretty much a 90 year old in a 20 year old's body. I'm like one of those immortals who live forever but is really like a million years old. But still look hella good! ;)
I just turned 20 in December but 20 going on 90 doesn't sound as good as 19 going on 90 so that's why the title is that way. Also because I do this thing called WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I have discovered that I am an old soul by realizing that I love doing old people things. Not things like wearing diapers and using a cane. But like the fun stuff. I love taking naps, for one. And I know that's kinda like a baby thing too but babies never feel the pleasure of a good nap. The oldies are the ones who wake up like ohhh yaaa that was good. I can nap any time of the day. I love it right after school and before supper. Sometimes I have a nap before supper with the hopes that someone will have broken in to our apartment and made me something to eat for when I wake up. That never happens but it would be fucking awesome. My roommate always walks by my bedroom door and is always like oh there's Ashlynn, napping again. It's like my thing. Ashlynn: The Napper.
I also like to eat really early. Like 3 pm is my favourite supper time. It's never busy in restaurants and never gets in the way of evening events. There's less traffic. In fact, the only people you see in restaurants at 3 pm is other old people. Having supper at 3 pm fills me up until like 10. It is just the best. It's when I am the most hungry. Old people have everything figured out.
I'm terrible at driving at night. I can't see shit. And everybody's headlights are so bright. And ever since I got a huge speeding ticket last year, I have started to just drive 80km/hr on every highway.
I would rather spend my time with cats than people. They just get me. And I am always intrigued with them playing hard to get and everything.
Lastly, I learned how to crochet this year. I decided to try so that I could make cute, homemade gifts for Christmas and it would save me a ton of money. I was so slow at first that I needed to use every free minute to finish up my projects. I was even crocheting on the bus! If that doesn't scream old lady, I don't know what does! I became a bit of a yarn hoarder and have a box and a couple bags full of different coloured skeins. I guess that the fact that every Christmas I wrap up presents and then forget what I put in them could be another old person thing. But I like that. Then when people open up the presents I get them it's like a surprise for me too. Sometimes I'm more excited than they are.
All I really have to say about being an old soul but still looking and feeling young is that it's the best. I can't wait for retirement though. I wanna retire when I'm like 40. That's the dream right there.
May the Force be with you!
Nana Ashlynn
Friday, 16 January 2015
Let's Talk About Poop, Baby
Hey all you poopheads!
This post is going to be a bit of a rant about our society. There are many issues in today's society. Things like how common sense is no longer common, the dependence on technology, kids becoming too spoiled for their own good. All that stuff old people like to complain about. But what my rant is about is poop.
That's right, crap; number 2; shit; doo-doo. I think you get the point. I want to talk about how it's for some reason not socially accepted to talk about poop!
The thing is that everyone poops. You have to poop or else you'll die. Poop=life. But for some reason we all try to hide the fact that we poop. But guess what world, we all do! I poop. I poop all the time! You poop! You beautiful reader, you. You make big dumps, I bet. Your boss poops, your mom poops, your dog poops, your grandma poops, your future child will poop, even Oprah Winfrey poops! That's right, even Beyoncé poops! (On a side note my dad didn't know who Beyoncé was. Haha c'mon dad pay attention. She's the fucking queen. And she also poops all the time).
Do you see where I'm going with this? We all poop and yet we try to hide it from each other all the time. Why? Because it's stinky? Because it's brown?? Because it comes from our butts? Well I, for one, am all about that bass and the digestive waste it produces. I mean everyone loves Kim Kardashian and her big, round, famous butt. So why can we talk about the booty but not the dootie?
I, for one, talk about poop with many people I am close to. My boyfriend and I discuss it all the time. I mean we don't like show each other our poop and gross stuff like that. That's crossing the line. But if my tummy is upset I'm gonna say "ugh I think I gotta poop my brains out." Like opening up about it helps you feel better when you got a nasty number 2 on the way. When you try to act like it's all good it makes you focus more on how it is not all good and you need a bathroom STAT. I told my mom that me and PattyCake openly talk about pooping and she was quite shocked. It turns out in my parent's whole 24 year marriage, they have never openly talked about poop. What? And you live together? Do you even know each other? Like how can you be together for that long and it never come up. Like you've never been like ooh that supper was too rich for me, I got mad poops happening? That is just crazy.
It's just awkward to hide poop from each other. Like when you're in the bathroom for twice the normal time, we know what's going on. You're expelling feces in there! So why be so awkward about it? If I was the queen of the world rather than Beyoncé, I would put poo-shaming to rest. I would encourage pooping in public restrooms. I would openly discuss my own pooping adventures. I mean women talk about their periods all the time and it's totally fine but you start talking about poop and you're disgusting. Well guess what ladies, only 50% of the population menstruate while 100% poop! Poop is way less disgusting than periods anyways. Don't even get me started on that nasty shit. Yuck!
The other day I was talking to Coke on the phone and we came to a little null in conversation and she said "...I pooped today." And then we started a whole 'nother conversation. I just love that. I hope you people can start talking about poop with your best friends. It is exhilarating.
Of course there is a time and place for poop. For instance, you can't talk about poop with important people or with strangers. They have to be people that can handle the poop discussions. Start with your brother or sister and best friend and move on from there. I think if the people in my life were uncomfortable with my poop discussions I couldn't have them in my life anymore. I choose poop over you, boring, pretending-to-never-poop-people!
So there you have it, you healthy poopers; my rant about society and it's unwritten no-poop-talk laws. I now would like to dare you to talk about poop with someone you love. I think you'll find it as comforting and rewarding as I do. I actually pooped right before writing this post and it was lovely.
Go ahead, world! Go poop!
Love,
AshiPooPoo
This post is going to be a bit of a rant about our society. There are many issues in today's society. Things like how common sense is no longer common, the dependence on technology, kids becoming too spoiled for their own good. All that stuff old people like to complain about. But what my rant is about is poop.
That's right, crap; number 2; shit; doo-doo. I think you get the point. I want to talk about how it's for some reason not socially accepted to talk about poop!
The thing is that everyone poops. You have to poop or else you'll die. Poop=life. But for some reason we all try to hide the fact that we poop. But guess what world, we all do! I poop. I poop all the time! You poop! You beautiful reader, you. You make big dumps, I bet. Your boss poops, your mom poops, your dog poops, your grandma poops, your future child will poop, even Oprah Winfrey poops! That's right, even Beyoncé poops! (On a side note my dad didn't know who Beyoncé was. Haha c'mon dad pay attention. She's the fucking queen. And she also poops all the time).
Do you see where I'm going with this? We all poop and yet we try to hide it from each other all the time. Why? Because it's stinky? Because it's brown?? Because it comes from our butts? Well I, for one, am all about that bass and the digestive waste it produces. I mean everyone loves Kim Kardashian and her big, round, famous butt. So why can we talk about the booty but not the dootie?
I, for one, talk about poop with many people I am close to. My boyfriend and I discuss it all the time. I mean we don't like show each other our poop and gross stuff like that. That's crossing the line. But if my tummy is upset I'm gonna say "ugh I think I gotta poop my brains out." Like opening up about it helps you feel better when you got a nasty number 2 on the way. When you try to act like it's all good it makes you focus more on how it is not all good and you need a bathroom STAT. I told my mom that me and PattyCake openly talk about pooping and she was quite shocked. It turns out in my parent's whole 24 year marriage, they have never openly talked about poop. What? And you live together? Do you even know each other? Like how can you be together for that long and it never come up. Like you've never been like ooh that supper was too rich for me, I got mad poops happening? That is just crazy.
It's just awkward to hide poop from each other. Like when you're in the bathroom for twice the normal time, we know what's going on. You're expelling feces in there! So why be so awkward about it? If I was the queen of the world rather than Beyoncé, I would put poo-shaming to rest. I would encourage pooping in public restrooms. I would openly discuss my own pooping adventures. I mean women talk about their periods all the time and it's totally fine but you start talking about poop and you're disgusting. Well guess what ladies, only 50% of the population menstruate while 100% poop! Poop is way less disgusting than periods anyways. Don't even get me started on that nasty shit. Yuck!
The other day I was talking to Coke on the phone and we came to a little null in conversation and she said "...I pooped today." And then we started a whole 'nother conversation. I just love that. I hope you people can start talking about poop with your best friends. It is exhilarating.
Of course there is a time and place for poop. For instance, you can't talk about poop with important people or with strangers. They have to be people that can handle the poop discussions. Start with your brother or sister and best friend and move on from there. I think if the people in my life were uncomfortable with my poop discussions I couldn't have them in my life anymore. I choose poop over you, boring, pretending-to-never-poop-people!
So there you have it, you healthy poopers; my rant about society and it's unwritten no-poop-talk laws. I now would like to dare you to talk about poop with someone you love. I think you'll find it as comforting and rewarding as I do. I actually pooped right before writing this post and it was lovely.
Go ahead, world! Go poop!
Love,
AshiPooPoo
Monday, 29 September 2014
Crazy Cat Lady
Hey all you beautiful creatures!
So I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I grew up having pet dogs, pet newts, pet hamsters, a rabbit and fish. But I've never had a cat. Big Poppa is allergic to cats so we've never had one and that was always fine with me because I never really felt a liking towards cats. Too many claws. But over the summer it was PattyCake and I's one year anniversary and he had been talking about wanting a cat for a while. He grew up on a farm so to go from that where he had quite a few animals around to go to nothing and living in town, it's quite a change. So I started keeping my eyes open for free kitten advertisements thinking it would be the purrfect (HAHAHA) anniversary gift. Because 1: its cute as fuck and 2: its free. I also asked his roommates if it was cool since it's their house too and I'm such a good person. One said he didn't care and the other said that the third guy wouldn't want one. I then thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea. But a day or two later, PattyCake saw I had sent a message to his roommate and was all like what did you need to message him for? And I was like oh shit you weren't supposed to see that. Then he gave me this look and I was like oh shit it sounds like I'm hiding something other than cute ass kitties from him so I told him the whole thing about how I wanted to get one but roommate #2 said that #3 probably wouldn't go for it and I'm a little scared of #3 so I wasn't gonna do it anymore. Well next time I see PattyCake he's all like so I asked him and he was super stoked so when are you getting it? So now I had to find a free kitty worthy of our affection.
It didn't take long. By the next week I had seen an ad on Facebook for free kitten outside of town and they were white and grey like a siamese cat. I've always wanted a siamese cat ever since I'd seen Lady and the Tramp as a kid. So I was pretty excited. I texted the number and asked if they had any boy kittens since they're cheaper to get fixed and they finally texted back and said "yeah, probably". I didn't really know what to take that as because I was kind of expecting a definite answer as to if any of them have dicks or not. So then I say okay well if any of the grey and white ones are boys could I come and take a look? So they hook me up with directions to their house and I text Coke to say she's coming to make sure I don't get murdered or most likely get murdered with me.
After work we grab a few basic supplies from Walmart and start to head out of town. The directions they gave me weren't very good and it took us an hour to find the place which was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I finally find the driveway they're talking about and see a truck coming down it. It's slowing down as it comes up beside me and so I open my window and a middle-aged man says "hey, thanks for taking cats!" I'm thinking well I'm only taking one like don't get too excited. He also says that some lady whose name I can't recall was waiting on the porch. So Coke and I continue driving and we're a little eery as to what kind of place this is. We finally come across the front of the house where we see a couple of full grown cats and we're like okay at least there are actually cats here and it's not just a way to entice young kitty-lovers to their house and do who-knows-what with them. We park by the side of the house and get out to go to the back porch where we can see someone standing. Approaching the porch we see many more cats. Like too many cats to count. You think you've seen them all and then five more kittens come popping out of hiding spots. There were black ones, grey ones, calico ones, and then one grey and white. I saw the grey and white one and I was like is that one a boy? I want that one. But the crazy cat lady checked and it was a girl :( but she said there were two more that looked like her but she'd have to find them in the house. Yes, there were even more kitties in the house.
After finding the other two, she confirms that one is a girl and the other may possibly be a boy. I'm like possibly? But apparently it's hard for you to tell if a cat is a boy or girl when they're young. I figured possibly was better than a definite girl. At least then if it was a girl PattyCake would most likely be attached to it when we found out it wasn't a boy and wouldn't care. So we take the kitty back to town, I drop Coke off and call PattyCake to tell him I'm coming over with a surprise. He's like "if you got me a cat, I don't want it." I was like WTF? He just told me he wanted one. Then he explained that he wanted to pick it out and I probably got a plain one that looks like everyone else's cat. I had no idea he was so picky about pet's appearances. But when I pulled up to his house, he came outside, looked at the kitten and said "this one's good" and took it inside. I passed the test.
Since the kitten was white and grey and it was raining that day we were thinking of naming it Storm. Since PattyCake and I both had to work the next day we didn't want to leave Storm home alone all day. So I texted Melaney and asked if she'd be interested in kitty-sitting. She said oh fine I'll help you out this one time but you gotta figure it out after that. So the next morning I take Storm to my house and set him up in the bathroom with his litter box, some food and water and his bed. I later get a text from Melaney saying "wow this kitty is little! I don't think he's six weeks like she told you". So then I'm kind of like oh no is my kitten too young to be away from the momma? PattyCake had the next day off so he ended up taking the kitty to the vet just to ask how old it really was and what we do in the case that he is really that young.
He was estimated to be about four weeks old and was also confirmed to be… a girl. Haha sorry PattyCake looks like you're paying for spaying! They said that she should be okay without the momma but to make sure she ate kitten kibbles for the extra calcium.
Well of course we couldn't keep the name Storm. Actually Big Poppa argued that we should since on X-Men the mutant named Storm is a girl. But I was like we want like a princess name. A cute girly name. PattyCake kept insisting that we name her Ashley just to drive me nuts. But I picked Luna. I've always wanted to get a white kitty and name her Luna. Luna is said to be the name of the moon so she has the colours in her fur and my favourite character in Harry Potter is Luna Lovegood so it was perfect. I mean PURRfect!
I never realized how much getting a pet is like having baby. I've had my fair share of pets before but never was it ultimately up to me to raise it. I had to stay up late and play her out so she'd sleep. I sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night 'cause she was hungry. I was up at the break of dawn because she had decided she was done sleeping. It was exhausting. I'd go into work and everyone would be like wow you look tired and I'd be like yeah the kitten was up half the night, I couldn't get her down. It caused PattyCake and I to fight about whose turn it was to clean the litter box. It was brutal. But it was also amazing. I remember texting my mom, who was now a proud grandma to Luna, when she finally had a solid poop after she'd needed a dewormer pill. Like I sent her an excited text saying "whoo! We have solid poop!" and Melaney replied with "Yaay!" Like the only time you are excited about poop is when you've either been constipated for a while and are finally getting relief or when your kid takes a healthy crap. All the mommas out there know what I'm talking about. You're so proud of the milestones your offspring reaches. Even when it's a fur baby. You're also extremely protective. One time we asked the two roommates if they could just keep an eye on her while we ran to the store. When we returned they mentioned how she'd been jumping off the couch onto the floor. This was when she was only four weeks old and PattyCake was like "Why would you let her do that, she's too little!" This surprised me just because boys aren't good at baby steps. I just expected PattyCake to laugh or something but he was actually concerned. It was so cute. And another time when we had to help my parents move into our new house and we left her with the roommates again, they mentioned something about running to Canadian Tire and how the cat would be fine. I tried not to be too overprotective and say no you can't leave her! But after about ten minutes of being away from the house and knowing she was there alone with plenty of plugged in cords to chew, electrify her and kill her, I started freaking out! I was like PattyCake we need to go back to the house! I ran to the door but it was locked and started yelling at PattyCake who was slowly moseying up to the door to hurry up because my baby could be dead. He opened it and I yelled Luna! and ran up the stairs. She was there playing with her rainbow crinkle ball the vet gave her on that first visit, which is her favourite toy. I think I saw PattyCake feel relief when he saw she was fine. There is no crazy when it comes to your baby.
My mom took care of Luna during the day for about three weeks which we are extremely grateful for and should really bake her a cake or something. She finally said it was time to let Luna stay home alone because she really needed to get some shit done. Luna was such a troublemaker that you needed to constantly watch her. She always wanted to go up to the dogs who were kept in the kitchen in order to be of no harm and she'd hiss at them haha like this tiny thing that could fit in your hand would hiss at adult dogs and scare the shit outta them. She's small but mighty.
PattyCake's parents came to visit and they loved Luna. I was scared she would "accidentally" be found in their suitcase when they got back home. It was so funny to them that she was so spoiled. They only ever had outdoor cats that came and went but never an indoor one. Everywhere we went we would check out things to buy her. She is definitely our little princess.
I went from a total "dog person" to a "crazy cat lady" in a matter of weeks. Although I still love dogs, cats are much less maintenance and their independence is a plus for working people like PattyCake and I. The instincts they are born with are so impressive. For instance, to potty-train a cat, you just put them in a litter box, maybe move their paw through it and they just know 'this is where I shall poop'. Luna only pooped under PattyCake's bed twice. Well we smelt it once and I looked under the bed and found a fresh pile and an old pile. But we sprayed her with the disciplinary water spray bottle and showed her what she had done and she hasn't done it since. I remember with puppies that went on for weeks. I'll admit I did have a kind of crazy method for teaching her not to go under our recliner chair at my parent's house. We were scared of her getting stuck between bars or something if we didn't realize she was under there and went to recline it so I kept having to coax her out from underneath and would say no! She still kept hiding under it. Melaney was like she's a cat and they like small, dark spaces but I was determined to teach her a lesson. After one day when she'd done it three times I finally put her downstairs in the basement in her kennel in a time out. I left the bathroom door open but kept the lights off. My mom was like where's Luna? "She's downstairs in a time-out, thinking about why she's bad." Mom laughed so hard at this. Apparently you can't put cats in time-outs. Well she only ever went under that chair two more times. She knew that every third time she would be put in the dark box so she never went that far. I call that success.
I hope to remain on this level of cat craziness. I don't really want to be on the cat-farm people's level. Although I admire them for caring for so many strays that they say get dumped on their property all the time. I just don't think the cat-shredded couch outside on the porch is something I really desire for my future home.
I'm gonna end this post with a couple pics of Luna Tuna, as PattyCake's mom called her. I bet you'll see why I risked being murdered and fed to cats for the little cutie.
I hope you are all in agreement that she was worth the risk of being chopped into a million pieces and being fed to cats. She was definitely worth it to me!
May the Force be with you!
RockAwesome and Luna
So I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I grew up having pet dogs, pet newts, pet hamsters, a rabbit and fish. But I've never had a cat. Big Poppa is allergic to cats so we've never had one and that was always fine with me because I never really felt a liking towards cats. Too many claws. But over the summer it was PattyCake and I's one year anniversary and he had been talking about wanting a cat for a while. He grew up on a farm so to go from that where he had quite a few animals around to go to nothing and living in town, it's quite a change. So I started keeping my eyes open for free kitten advertisements thinking it would be the purrfect (HAHAHA) anniversary gift. Because 1: its cute as fuck and 2: its free. I also asked his roommates if it was cool since it's their house too and I'm such a good person. One said he didn't care and the other said that the third guy wouldn't want one. I then thought maybe it wasn't such a great idea. But a day or two later, PattyCake saw I had sent a message to his roommate and was all like what did you need to message him for? And I was like oh shit you weren't supposed to see that. Then he gave me this look and I was like oh shit it sounds like I'm hiding something other than cute ass kitties from him so I told him the whole thing about how I wanted to get one but roommate #2 said that #3 probably wouldn't go for it and I'm a little scared of #3 so I wasn't gonna do it anymore. Well next time I see PattyCake he's all like so I asked him and he was super stoked so when are you getting it? So now I had to find a free kitty worthy of our affection.
It didn't take long. By the next week I had seen an ad on Facebook for free kitten outside of town and they were white and grey like a siamese cat. I've always wanted a siamese cat ever since I'd seen Lady and the Tramp as a kid. So I was pretty excited. I texted the number and asked if they had any boy kittens since they're cheaper to get fixed and they finally texted back and said "yeah, probably". I didn't really know what to take that as because I was kind of expecting a definite answer as to if any of them have dicks or not. So then I say okay well if any of the grey and white ones are boys could I come and take a look? So they hook me up with directions to their house and I text Coke to say she's coming to make sure I don't get murdered or most likely get murdered with me.
After work we grab a few basic supplies from Walmart and start to head out of town. The directions they gave me weren't very good and it took us an hour to find the place which was pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I finally find the driveway they're talking about and see a truck coming down it. It's slowing down as it comes up beside me and so I open my window and a middle-aged man says "hey, thanks for taking cats!" I'm thinking well I'm only taking one like don't get too excited. He also says that some lady whose name I can't recall was waiting on the porch. So Coke and I continue driving and we're a little eery as to what kind of place this is. We finally come across the front of the house where we see a couple of full grown cats and we're like okay at least there are actually cats here and it's not just a way to entice young kitty-lovers to their house and do who-knows-what with them. We park by the side of the house and get out to go to the back porch where we can see someone standing. Approaching the porch we see many more cats. Like too many cats to count. You think you've seen them all and then five more kittens come popping out of hiding spots. There were black ones, grey ones, calico ones, and then one grey and white. I saw the grey and white one and I was like is that one a boy? I want that one. But the crazy cat lady checked and it was a girl :( but she said there were two more that looked like her but she'd have to find them in the house. Yes, there were even more kitties in the house.
After finding the other two, she confirms that one is a girl and the other may possibly be a boy. I'm like possibly? But apparently it's hard for you to tell if a cat is a boy or girl when they're young. I figured possibly was better than a definite girl. At least then if it was a girl PattyCake would most likely be attached to it when we found out it wasn't a boy and wouldn't care. So we take the kitty back to town, I drop Coke off and call PattyCake to tell him I'm coming over with a surprise. He's like "if you got me a cat, I don't want it." I was like WTF? He just told me he wanted one. Then he explained that he wanted to pick it out and I probably got a plain one that looks like everyone else's cat. I had no idea he was so picky about pet's appearances. But when I pulled up to his house, he came outside, looked at the kitten and said "this one's good" and took it inside. I passed the test.
Since the kitten was white and grey and it was raining that day we were thinking of naming it Storm. Since PattyCake and I both had to work the next day we didn't want to leave Storm home alone all day. So I texted Melaney and asked if she'd be interested in kitty-sitting. She said oh fine I'll help you out this one time but you gotta figure it out after that. So the next morning I take Storm to my house and set him up in the bathroom with his litter box, some food and water and his bed. I later get a text from Melaney saying "wow this kitty is little! I don't think he's six weeks like she told you". So then I'm kind of like oh no is my kitten too young to be away from the momma? PattyCake had the next day off so he ended up taking the kitty to the vet just to ask how old it really was and what we do in the case that he is really that young.
He was estimated to be about four weeks old and was also confirmed to be… a girl. Haha sorry PattyCake looks like you're paying for spaying! They said that she should be okay without the momma but to make sure she ate kitten kibbles for the extra calcium.
Well of course we couldn't keep the name Storm. Actually Big Poppa argued that we should since on X-Men the mutant named Storm is a girl. But I was like we want like a princess name. A cute girly name. PattyCake kept insisting that we name her Ashley just to drive me nuts. But I picked Luna. I've always wanted to get a white kitty and name her Luna. Luna is said to be the name of the moon so she has the colours in her fur and my favourite character in Harry Potter is Luna Lovegood so it was perfect. I mean PURRfect!
I never realized how much getting a pet is like having baby. I've had my fair share of pets before but never was it ultimately up to me to raise it. I had to stay up late and play her out so she'd sleep. I sometimes had to get up in the middle of the night 'cause she was hungry. I was up at the break of dawn because she had decided she was done sleeping. It was exhausting. I'd go into work and everyone would be like wow you look tired and I'd be like yeah the kitten was up half the night, I couldn't get her down. It caused PattyCake and I to fight about whose turn it was to clean the litter box. It was brutal. But it was also amazing. I remember texting my mom, who was now a proud grandma to Luna, when she finally had a solid poop after she'd needed a dewormer pill. Like I sent her an excited text saying "whoo! We have solid poop!" and Melaney replied with "Yaay!" Like the only time you are excited about poop is when you've either been constipated for a while and are finally getting relief or when your kid takes a healthy crap. All the mommas out there know what I'm talking about. You're so proud of the milestones your offspring reaches. Even when it's a fur baby. You're also extremely protective. One time we asked the two roommates if they could just keep an eye on her while we ran to the store. When we returned they mentioned how she'd been jumping off the couch onto the floor. This was when she was only four weeks old and PattyCake was like "Why would you let her do that, she's too little!" This surprised me just because boys aren't good at baby steps. I just expected PattyCake to laugh or something but he was actually concerned. It was so cute. And another time when we had to help my parents move into our new house and we left her with the roommates again, they mentioned something about running to Canadian Tire and how the cat would be fine. I tried not to be too overprotective and say no you can't leave her! But after about ten minutes of being away from the house and knowing she was there alone with plenty of plugged in cords to chew, electrify her and kill her, I started freaking out! I was like PattyCake we need to go back to the house! I ran to the door but it was locked and started yelling at PattyCake who was slowly moseying up to the door to hurry up because my baby could be dead. He opened it and I yelled Luna! and ran up the stairs. She was there playing with her rainbow crinkle ball the vet gave her on that first visit, which is her favourite toy. I think I saw PattyCake feel relief when he saw she was fine. There is no crazy when it comes to your baby.
My mom took care of Luna during the day for about three weeks which we are extremely grateful for and should really bake her a cake or something. She finally said it was time to let Luna stay home alone because she really needed to get some shit done. Luna was such a troublemaker that you needed to constantly watch her. She always wanted to go up to the dogs who were kept in the kitchen in order to be of no harm and she'd hiss at them haha like this tiny thing that could fit in your hand would hiss at adult dogs and scare the shit outta them. She's small but mighty.
PattyCake's parents came to visit and they loved Luna. I was scared she would "accidentally" be found in their suitcase when they got back home. It was so funny to them that she was so spoiled. They only ever had outdoor cats that came and went but never an indoor one. Everywhere we went we would check out things to buy her. She is definitely our little princess.
I went from a total "dog person" to a "crazy cat lady" in a matter of weeks. Although I still love dogs, cats are much less maintenance and their independence is a plus for working people like PattyCake and I. The instincts they are born with are so impressive. For instance, to potty-train a cat, you just put them in a litter box, maybe move their paw through it and they just know 'this is where I shall poop'. Luna only pooped under PattyCake's bed twice. Well we smelt it once and I looked under the bed and found a fresh pile and an old pile. But we sprayed her with the disciplinary water spray bottle and showed her what she had done and she hasn't done it since. I remember with puppies that went on for weeks. I'll admit I did have a kind of crazy method for teaching her not to go under our recliner chair at my parent's house. We were scared of her getting stuck between bars or something if we didn't realize she was under there and went to recline it so I kept having to coax her out from underneath and would say no! She still kept hiding under it. Melaney was like she's a cat and they like small, dark spaces but I was determined to teach her a lesson. After one day when she'd done it three times I finally put her downstairs in the basement in her kennel in a time out. I left the bathroom door open but kept the lights off. My mom was like where's Luna? "She's downstairs in a time-out, thinking about why she's bad." Mom laughed so hard at this. Apparently you can't put cats in time-outs. Well she only ever went under that chair two more times. She knew that every third time she would be put in the dark box so she never went that far. I call that success.
I hope to remain on this level of cat craziness. I don't really want to be on the cat-farm people's level. Although I admire them for caring for so many strays that they say get dumped on their property all the time. I just don't think the cat-shredded couch outside on the porch is something I really desire for my future home.
I'm gonna end this post with a couple pics of Luna Tuna, as PattyCake's mom called her. I bet you'll see why I risked being murdered and fed to cats for the little cutie.
This was taken on the night I picked her up. It's kind of hard to tell but she has pretty blue eyes, another reason why I wanted this kitty. They said they could change but if they made it to about seven weeks they should stay that colour so thankfully she still has them! She's now going on four months.
This is my favourite picture of her and I took it after she thought she lost me because I went down the hallway while she was in the kitchen. She meowed and I was like I'm over here silly and then she ran to me. Totes adorbs!
These were taken when she was sleeping on my lap and then when PattyCake opened a can of pop and woke her up and I captured her bitchy looking expression haha
This is her reading me a story.
This is her sleeping all cute.
This is her peeking out from her tunnel, one of many toys.
May the Force be with you!
RockAwesome and Luna
Thursday, 4 September 2014
A Post About Introverts Which Lacks a Creative Title
I'm baaaaaaack!
And by back I mean back in school :( The sad face is to set the tone of this post because I do not like school that much. School means homework and group projects and living in the scary city and getting up early. School also means I have to leave the house and go out in the world. I hate this the most. I am an introvert, you see. If you don't know what an introvert is it's someone who avoids social activities and is stressed out by social interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean we like to be completely alone all the time but we would much rather hang out with one or two people rather than a whole group. We hate having to speak in front of people and get nervous when answering a question in class. Things like that make you an introvert.
If you like going out all the time and being social and having attention on you, you are most likely an extrovert. It would be so nice to be an extrovert. I believe it is an extroverted world. College is especially an extroverted world. You're supposed to go to a new place and actually talk to people or talk in front of the class and this is horrifying for introverts like me.
Tomorrow is looking like an especially bad day to be an introvert. In my project management class we have to not only stand in front of the class and do introductions which I despise (see post: This Blog is all I have in a Busy Cafeteria) but we also have to go around the room and decide who we want in our groups for a giant group project that pretty much happens for the entire class. Like the whole class is a giant group project. I wanna cry just thinking about it. It's not only that I'm shy but my whole body reacts to having to talk in front of new people. Like I will shake for about twenty minutes after standing up and saying a quick blurb like "Hi, I'm Ashlynn I love unicorns and sparkles and eating fast food." Okay I would never say that in front of my peers but you get the idea. Just a thirty second blurb will cause a half hour of distress in my body. Heart pounding, hand shaking, palm sweating distress. The only way to stop this distress is getting drunk. But I don't think the school will be too impressed with that. I wish I could drop project management but unfortunately I need it for my degree. I have presentations in other classes too so I might as well just get used to them. Presentations will likely be a big part of my profession too. I guess the only way to get out of them would be to shut myself indoors and become a professional blogger. I guess I'd actually have to write some blogs then hey? I've brainstormed a few ideas for posts so I'll get writing them right away. I promise this because I have no friends to hang out with so I need something to do anyway.
Keep checkin in!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
And by back I mean back in school :( The sad face is to set the tone of this post because I do not like school that much. School means homework and group projects and living in the scary city and getting up early. School also means I have to leave the house and go out in the world. I hate this the most. I am an introvert, you see. If you don't know what an introvert is it's someone who avoids social activities and is stressed out by social interactions. It doesn't necessarily mean we like to be completely alone all the time but we would much rather hang out with one or two people rather than a whole group. We hate having to speak in front of people and get nervous when answering a question in class. Things like that make you an introvert.
If you like going out all the time and being social and having attention on you, you are most likely an extrovert. It would be so nice to be an extrovert. I believe it is an extroverted world. College is especially an extroverted world. You're supposed to go to a new place and actually talk to people or talk in front of the class and this is horrifying for introverts like me.
Tomorrow is looking like an especially bad day to be an introvert. In my project management class we have to not only stand in front of the class and do introductions which I despise (see post: This Blog is all I have in a Busy Cafeteria) but we also have to go around the room and decide who we want in our groups for a giant group project that pretty much happens for the entire class. Like the whole class is a giant group project. I wanna cry just thinking about it. It's not only that I'm shy but my whole body reacts to having to talk in front of new people. Like I will shake for about twenty minutes after standing up and saying a quick blurb like "Hi, I'm Ashlynn I love unicorns and sparkles and eating fast food." Okay I would never say that in front of my peers but you get the idea. Just a thirty second blurb will cause a half hour of distress in my body. Heart pounding, hand shaking, palm sweating distress. The only way to stop this distress is getting drunk. But I don't think the school will be too impressed with that. I wish I could drop project management but unfortunately I need it for my degree. I have presentations in other classes too so I might as well just get used to them. Presentations will likely be a big part of my profession too. I guess the only way to get out of them would be to shut myself indoors and become a professional blogger. I guess I'd actually have to write some blogs then hey? I've brainstormed a few ideas for posts so I'll get writing them right away. I promise this because I have no friends to hang out with so I need something to do anyway.
Keep checkin in!
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Exam Week
Hello, Hello!
Here I am sitting in my condo bedroom in the city and who am I thinking about? You, my lovely readers. AKA Mom and Grandma.
So there is only five days left of my first year of college! Tomorrow I have to attend one class where I will politely watch three marketing presentations and then I'm off to my hometown for Easter weekend. On Tuesday I start exam week! Where I have three 8 am exams :( 8 am exams suck because it means I have to get on the bus at 7 am! Getting on the bus at 7 am sucks because it means I have to get up by 6:15! Getting up at 6:15 sucks because it means that I have to be in bed by like 10 and normally I can't sleep that early. 8 am exams are kind of nice though because you're done them super early and then you can go home, have a nap, and have time to study for the next 8 am exam happening the next day. Exams that are at like 3:30 suck because then you spend all your time prior to the exam studying for that exam and then after you just wanna chill because it's 5:30 already and you don't get home to eat until 6:15 or so but oh wait you have to be up at 6:15 am the next day for your last 8 am class! And then after that exam you can go home, have a nap and then return to the school for 6 pm to write your online class' final exam and then by the time you finish that one it's 8 pm and you now have to drive an hour and a half to your hometown because YOU'RE FINALLY DONE COLLEGE YEAR 1. It's a bitter-sweet thing, exam week.
In the spirit of exam week I am going to write a list of all the things I won't miss about my first year and all the things that make me happy it is finally over!
1. No more school. No more listening to boring teachers, no more homework assignments, no more group projects, no more studying, no more essay-writing, no more citing the shit out of papers. No more!
2. No more bus riding. I'm getting real tired of standing on corners, or by poles without getting paid for it.
3. No more making my own dinner. Okay, I'm sure I'll still make dinners quite a bit but at least I won't be so dependant on myself. Putting pizza pops in the microwave can be so exhausting especially after a long day of bus riding.
4. No more having to listen to my roommate's music from his room. This morning he was listening to Avril Lavigne. Like, really?
5. I'll save tons of money on gas. I really don't consider myself a citizen of any town at this point because I just travel between home and the city so much. I'm a drifter.
6. My parents just bought a new house! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to share this information at this point but the only people who read this already know anyways! I'm super excited about it. I love new houses. This one is just like five minutes out of our town so we're not really moving away, just upgrading. And my parents want to get a swim spa and a fire pit and it will be so cool!
7. I'm working at the pool again this summer and am looking forward to it. I like teaching swimming lessons and hanging out in shorts all day. And I can make some money!!
8. The last day of exams is when I get my tax-return money and I'm going shopping!!
9. I won't be lonely as much. Living somewhere else from everyone sure takes it's toll on you.
10. I can finally watch Frozen. My mom bought it but I haven't been home long enough to watch it and everyone is talking about it so damn much.
So as you can tell, I'm pretty stoked to be done with college. And to think, I still have three more years
:( this shit better get me rich.
Good luck to any fellow students also entering exam week!
May the Force be with you!
Na na na na na na na na AshMan!
Here I am sitting in my condo bedroom in the city and who am I thinking about? You, my lovely readers. AKA Mom and Grandma.
So there is only five days left of my first year of college! Tomorrow I have to attend one class where I will politely watch three marketing presentations and then I'm off to my hometown for Easter weekend. On Tuesday I start exam week! Where I have three 8 am exams :( 8 am exams suck because it means I have to get on the bus at 7 am! Getting on the bus at 7 am sucks because it means I have to get up by 6:15! Getting up at 6:15 sucks because it means that I have to be in bed by like 10 and normally I can't sleep that early. 8 am exams are kind of nice though because you're done them super early and then you can go home, have a nap, and have time to study for the next 8 am exam happening the next day. Exams that are at like 3:30 suck because then you spend all your time prior to the exam studying for that exam and then after you just wanna chill because it's 5:30 already and you don't get home to eat until 6:15 or so but oh wait you have to be up at 6:15 am the next day for your last 8 am class! And then after that exam you can go home, have a nap and then return to the school for 6 pm to write your online class' final exam and then by the time you finish that one it's 8 pm and you now have to drive an hour and a half to your hometown because YOU'RE FINALLY DONE COLLEGE YEAR 1. It's a bitter-sweet thing, exam week.
In the spirit of exam week I am going to write a list of all the things I won't miss about my first year and all the things that make me happy it is finally over!
1. No more school. No more listening to boring teachers, no more homework assignments, no more group projects, no more studying, no more essay-writing, no more citing the shit out of papers. No more!
2. No more bus riding. I'm getting real tired of standing on corners, or by poles without getting paid for it.
3. No more making my own dinner. Okay, I'm sure I'll still make dinners quite a bit but at least I won't be so dependant on myself. Putting pizza pops in the microwave can be so exhausting especially after a long day of bus riding.
4. No more having to listen to my roommate's music from his room. This morning he was listening to Avril Lavigne. Like, really?
5. I'll save tons of money on gas. I really don't consider myself a citizen of any town at this point because I just travel between home and the city so much. I'm a drifter.
6. My parents just bought a new house! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to share this information at this point but the only people who read this already know anyways! I'm super excited about it. I love new houses. This one is just like five minutes out of our town so we're not really moving away, just upgrading. And my parents want to get a swim spa and a fire pit and it will be so cool!
7. I'm working at the pool again this summer and am looking forward to it. I like teaching swimming lessons and hanging out in shorts all day. And I can make some money!!
8. The last day of exams is when I get my tax-return money and I'm going shopping!!
9. I won't be lonely as much. Living somewhere else from everyone sure takes it's toll on you.
10. I can finally watch Frozen. My mom bought it but I haven't been home long enough to watch it and everyone is talking about it so damn much.
So as you can tell, I'm pretty stoked to be done with college. And to think, I still have three more years
:( this shit better get me rich.
Good luck to any fellow students also entering exam week!
May the Force be with you!
Na na na na na na na na AshMan!
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Small Town, Small Knowledge
Hey Mom! (C'mon, let's be honest we all know it's just you)
The weirdest thing just happened to me. I was thinking of that song New York Groove and then I clicked the play button on my keyboard and that song came on. Freaky! And it's really funny because I was planning on writing about living in the big city in this post.
So, I (Blurred Lines just came on, dance interlude) have been living in the city since September and it is now February so that's…uh…carry the one…5 months and I have to say…I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING. I mean I normally just go to school on the bus and then bus back home and then travel back to my cozy small town on weekends to visit PattyCake so I have my routine I like to stick to and I have mastered it. But lately I've been expanding my horizons a bit and have found that growing up in a small town has given me a sort of handicap. For instance, last week after school a friend from class and I caught the bus together (that's right! A friend!) and then went into the downtown mall, which I have been too scared to go into, to walk through to the LRT station I didn't know existed. And this adventure was enough to blow my mind so just imagine how much I freaked out when I saw that this mall has FLOATING ESCALATORS! Yeah, you read that right. FLOATING. Like the staircases in Harry Potter. Like I was actually waiting for one of them to whip itself around and attach to a different wall. I guess people don't understand what I'm talking about when I say floating escalators and what I mean is this; escalators that are floating! Okay, no for real they are escalators that are only supported by the top and bottom so there's nothing beside them. I know that you probably don't see what the big deal is but I have only ever been on escalators that have like a staircase beside them (like in the LRT stations where I run up the staircase to race the people on the escalator because I'm in suuuuuuch good shape) or benches all around the bottom and walls built up so that you can't walk underneath. Does that make sense? I asked my friend to take a picture of me on it but he thought I was joking :( Oh yeah! And there's like escalators above other escalators and even that is like too much for me.
Another incident I encountered just yesterday included Safeway, a cart and $100 of groceries. So I hadn't gone grocery shopping really since this term started. I was just eating like soup and cereal for a month. Well I did stop in at the grocery store once after school but I couldn't buy much since I was taking it on the bus. So this was my first real time grocery shopping this term. The last time I did a large grocery shopping trip I just used a basket which was a mistake since I then had to carry a heavy, overflowing basket around the entire store. And of course I can never find anything so I walk through the Safeway like a dozen times. But anyways I have never gotten a cart at Safeway before. The grocery store I go to at home just has normal carts. Like you just grab one and put your groceries in it. Not these carts. You have to put money in these carts (and they don't even push themselves which is totally bogus! Like if I gotta pay for you, you could help push yourself at least). So I go to the carts and I'm like alright I choose you to carry my food, let's go. I tug on the cart and it doesn't budge. It is attached by a chain to all of the over carts! So then I try pulling the chain out like okay I only need one, thanks. Doesn't budge. A middle-aged woman comes in then and I see she puts a coin into a slot in the cart handle. Of course she does this after giving me a sort of weird look. A look that read "jeez, this girl doesn't know how to get a cart, good thing she has cute hair (I just got a haircut, thanks for noticing)." So then I'm like what the fuck kind of grocery store is this that I have to pay to carry my groceries in a wheeled basket? But I got a gift card for my birthday so I wasn't about to go anywhere else. Plus I was starving, like I had barely eaten in three weeks. So I grab my wallet out of my purse (it's a new wallet. It's pink.) and open the change pocket and I'm like alright you stupid cart, how much you charge? Deciding that I'm going start low and go higher like in a bidding war, I pull out a quarter. Lucky guess! Goes in like magic. Actually, goes in like a quarter in a quarter-sized slot. So then I can pull the chain out and I then I have a cart! And then I bought a cart-full of groceries which cost $100! But it was discount day, which was a nice surprise, and I had a $50 gift card from Grandma and Grandpa (thanks guys!). So then I take my groceries out to Petey and load em up in the backseat and then had to take my cart to the cart area in the parking lot. I absolutely hate it when people leave carts lying around in the parking lot. Like seriously, be a good person. I normally grab all the carts I come across and put them in the cart area. Because I am a really good person. So then I put this cart back and I'm like hey I'm gonna chain it to this other one so that they are neat and organized. Pushing this chain into place, something magical happens. My quarter pops out. I get my money back when I put my cart back. How genius is that? Safeway! Your genius is showing!
After grabbing groceries I saw that my gas tank only had a quarter in it so I was like whoa it's discount day so I can get gas right here at the Safeway gas station! So I pull up to the pump and it says that I can either pay at the pump or prepay inside. And I'm like well I don't know how much I need and PattyCake always pays at the pump so I'm sure I can figure it out. Yes, that's right, I've never paid at the gas pump before. I always gas up and then go into the convenience store and pay after. So at first I'm sticking my Safeway card in the wrong slot haha this machine had almost no instructions and it just kept saying "Please Re-Insert Card" and I'd put it in and then it would go "Quickly Remove Card" so then I'm doing this over and over again and thinking wow like how fast do I have to remove it? I don't think I can go any faster. And then I see the little scanner thing where you scan the barcode on your Safeway card. Then I'm laughing at myself for how retarded I am. As I'm sure they will be when they watch their security footage. I can just see it, couple of middle-aged men sitting around eating doughnuts "Paul! Come look at this blonde trying to put her Safeway card in the credit card slot! She does have a real cute haircut though.." Then it tells me to select which gas I want and I'm like just regular is fine. Then I start pumping until it's full. I go to pay and it asks me how much fuel I would like. And my total was something like $45 so I'm like uhh I think I'll take $45. I press the 4 and then it tells me to insert my card so I put my debit card in, enter my pin and then it tells me to start fuelling my car. So then I'm like uhh he's full of fuel, he can't fit anymore. I then decided to just go into the office and try to pay. I had to hand in a Visa card I found on the cement at the pump anyways so it wasn't a big deal. I just pretended that the pump was confused and that I knew what I was doing. The man was very proud of me for handing in this Visa card and I just wanted to be like well did you see me organize the carts earlier? So I then paid for my gas inside and went home to check my online banking app and saw that it didn't charge me twice so that's good.
So those are my examples of why I'm not ready for city living. It's just too complicated. Escalators all over the place, security deposit carts, confusing gas pumps. I can't handle all that shit. And the other day an older man was making cat noises at me on the LRT. I just reread that sentence and it totally sounds like there was an old man meowing at me. No. He was making these noises like when you're calling a cat like you kind of click your tongue or whatever. I can't explain it. Anyways, I heard someone making this noise and I thought oh my gosh! Someone has kitties on the train! I wanna pet the kitties! Cause like I love little kitties. When I first met PattyCake, his roommate had baby kitties and I named them Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. Anywheres, oh shit I just typed "anywheres" instead of anyways. Haha it's 2 AM, give me a break. Anyways* I'm sitting on the LRT with my cute haircut and looking around for kitties when I see this man is looking at me while making these noises. Holy shit, I'm the kitty. Let's just say when it came to my stop, I ran off that crazy train.
I would like to end this post by just stating again that I am just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. I took the LRT going anywhere..
Haha Journey reference in case you don't get it. If you didn't get that…kill yourself.
Just kitten! I love you no matter what references you may or may not get.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
The weirdest thing just happened to me. I was thinking of that song New York Groove and then I clicked the play button on my keyboard and that song came on. Freaky! And it's really funny because I was planning on writing about living in the big city in this post.
So, I (Blurred Lines just came on, dance interlude) have been living in the city since September and it is now February so that's…uh…carry the one…5 months and I have to say…I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING. I mean I normally just go to school on the bus and then bus back home and then travel back to my cozy small town on weekends to visit PattyCake so I have my routine I like to stick to and I have mastered it. But lately I've been expanding my horizons a bit and have found that growing up in a small town has given me a sort of handicap. For instance, last week after school a friend from class and I caught the bus together (that's right! A friend!) and then went into the downtown mall, which I have been too scared to go into, to walk through to the LRT station I didn't know existed. And this adventure was enough to blow my mind so just imagine how much I freaked out when I saw that this mall has FLOATING ESCALATORS! Yeah, you read that right. FLOATING. Like the staircases in Harry Potter. Like I was actually waiting for one of them to whip itself around and attach to a different wall. I guess people don't understand what I'm talking about when I say floating escalators and what I mean is this; escalators that are floating! Okay, no for real they are escalators that are only supported by the top and bottom so there's nothing beside them. I know that you probably don't see what the big deal is but I have only ever been on escalators that have like a staircase beside them (like in the LRT stations where I run up the staircase to race the people on the escalator because I'm in suuuuuuch good shape) or benches all around the bottom and walls built up so that you can't walk underneath. Does that make sense? I asked my friend to take a picture of me on it but he thought I was joking :( Oh yeah! And there's like escalators above other escalators and even that is like too much for me.
Another incident I encountered just yesterday included Safeway, a cart and $100 of groceries. So I hadn't gone grocery shopping really since this term started. I was just eating like soup and cereal for a month. Well I did stop in at the grocery store once after school but I couldn't buy much since I was taking it on the bus. So this was my first real time grocery shopping this term. The last time I did a large grocery shopping trip I just used a basket which was a mistake since I then had to carry a heavy, overflowing basket around the entire store. And of course I can never find anything so I walk through the Safeway like a dozen times. But anyways I have never gotten a cart at Safeway before. The grocery store I go to at home just has normal carts. Like you just grab one and put your groceries in it. Not these carts. You have to put money in these carts (and they don't even push themselves which is totally bogus! Like if I gotta pay for you, you could help push yourself at least). So I go to the carts and I'm like alright I choose you to carry my food, let's go. I tug on the cart and it doesn't budge. It is attached by a chain to all of the over carts! So then I try pulling the chain out like okay I only need one, thanks. Doesn't budge. A middle-aged woman comes in then and I see she puts a coin into a slot in the cart handle. Of course she does this after giving me a sort of weird look. A look that read "jeez, this girl doesn't know how to get a cart, good thing she has cute hair (I just got a haircut, thanks for noticing)." So then I'm like what the fuck kind of grocery store is this that I have to pay to carry my groceries in a wheeled basket? But I got a gift card for my birthday so I wasn't about to go anywhere else. Plus I was starving, like I had barely eaten in three weeks. So I grab my wallet out of my purse (it's a new wallet. It's pink.) and open the change pocket and I'm like alright you stupid cart, how much you charge? Deciding that I'm going start low and go higher like in a bidding war, I pull out a quarter. Lucky guess! Goes in like magic. Actually, goes in like a quarter in a quarter-sized slot. So then I can pull the chain out and I then I have a cart! And then I bought a cart-full of groceries which cost $100! But it was discount day, which was a nice surprise, and I had a $50 gift card from Grandma and Grandpa (thanks guys!). So then I take my groceries out to Petey and load em up in the backseat and then had to take my cart to the cart area in the parking lot. I absolutely hate it when people leave carts lying around in the parking lot. Like seriously, be a good person. I normally grab all the carts I come across and put them in the cart area. Because I am a really good person. So then I put this cart back and I'm like hey I'm gonna chain it to this other one so that they are neat and organized. Pushing this chain into place, something magical happens. My quarter pops out. I get my money back when I put my cart back. How genius is that? Safeway! Your genius is showing!
After grabbing groceries I saw that my gas tank only had a quarter in it so I was like whoa it's discount day so I can get gas right here at the Safeway gas station! So I pull up to the pump and it says that I can either pay at the pump or prepay inside. And I'm like well I don't know how much I need and PattyCake always pays at the pump so I'm sure I can figure it out. Yes, that's right, I've never paid at the gas pump before. I always gas up and then go into the convenience store and pay after. So at first I'm sticking my Safeway card in the wrong slot haha this machine had almost no instructions and it just kept saying "Please Re-Insert Card" and I'd put it in and then it would go "Quickly Remove Card" so then I'm doing this over and over again and thinking wow like how fast do I have to remove it? I don't think I can go any faster. And then I see the little scanner thing where you scan the barcode on your Safeway card. Then I'm laughing at myself for how retarded I am. As I'm sure they will be when they watch their security footage. I can just see it, couple of middle-aged men sitting around eating doughnuts "Paul! Come look at this blonde trying to put her Safeway card in the credit card slot! She does have a real cute haircut though.." Then it tells me to select which gas I want and I'm like just regular is fine. Then I start pumping until it's full. I go to pay and it asks me how much fuel I would like. And my total was something like $45 so I'm like uhh I think I'll take $45. I press the 4 and then it tells me to insert my card so I put my debit card in, enter my pin and then it tells me to start fuelling my car. So then I'm like uhh he's full of fuel, he can't fit anymore. I then decided to just go into the office and try to pay. I had to hand in a Visa card I found on the cement at the pump anyways so it wasn't a big deal. I just pretended that the pump was confused and that I knew what I was doing. The man was very proud of me for handing in this Visa card and I just wanted to be like well did you see me organize the carts earlier? So I then paid for my gas inside and went home to check my online banking app and saw that it didn't charge me twice so that's good.
So those are my examples of why I'm not ready for city living. It's just too complicated. Escalators all over the place, security deposit carts, confusing gas pumps. I can't handle all that shit. And the other day an older man was making cat noises at me on the LRT. I just reread that sentence and it totally sounds like there was an old man meowing at me. No. He was making these noises like when you're calling a cat like you kind of click your tongue or whatever. I can't explain it. Anyways, I heard someone making this noise and I thought oh my gosh! Someone has kitties on the train! I wanna pet the kitties! Cause like I love little kitties. When I first met PattyCake, his roommate had baby kitties and I named them Beyonce and Nicki Minaj. Anywheres, oh shit I just typed "anywheres" instead of anyways. Haha it's 2 AM, give me a break. Anyways* I'm sitting on the LRT with my cute haircut and looking around for kitties when I see this man is looking at me while making these noises. Holy shit, I'm the kitty. Let's just say when it came to my stop, I ran off that crazy train.
I would like to end this post by just stating again that I am just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. I took the LRT going anywhere..
Haha Journey reference in case you don't get it. If you didn't get that…kill yourself.
Just kitten! I love you no matter what references you may or may not get.
May the Force be with you!
Ashlynn
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