Right meow I am on my way to E-Town for a math diploma prep course. This is how I survive school; half-ass all term and then do a three-day course that reteaches every concept so that you can "rock the diploma". It's pure genius. What wasn't pure genius on my part was not packing any snacks or eating breakfast. I can't believe myself. Like I brought chemistry notes to study but no food?! What was I thinking? I need to sort out my priorities. That's also what my mom told me when I was late for math and she walked into the bathroom to me doing my makeup. "Ashlynn, math is more important than makeup," she said. "What's really gonna get me farther in this world, mom?" that's what I said. She was not pleased. I don't actually believe that looks are more important than knowledge but I mean, I'm gonna be a rockstar. I doubt that I will be writing songs about balancing equations and finding the sin of y. Let's get real here, people.
So I'm sitting cross-legged in the back seat of Big Poppa's work truck. I've been sitting cross-legged a lot lately. I might as well be Ghandi. Especially with the whole no food thing. I'll just say I'm on a hunger strike. We've been on the road for about 40 minutes or so and I became bored about...39 minutes ago. And I thought 'I guess I could look at those chemistry notes'...pfft HAHAHAHAHAHA :') too funny. Who am I kidding? I mostly just grabbed them to fill out my backpack.
I then realized that I have the best invention ever in my pocket; an iPhone. And on this iPhone the blogger app. So here I am, coming at ya mobile-style. I can already tell this post is going to take a while to write since I keep being distracted by the classic rock flowing through the speakers, causing my bones to feel the jiggyness and having no choice but to shake it away. (that was a pretty complicated way of saying 'I keep stopping to dance') I also get distracted every time we pass another vehicle because I always look at the driver with an expression that reads 'see ya later, mother trucker'. It's an expression that says 'yeah, we're passing you but don't worry, you're still ahead of that smart car a kilometer back.'
Wow, we just went past a young man driving a truck with his window down and his elbow resting on the edge. "Sir! It's raining! Your sleeve is going to be all wet and muddy and won't match the other sleeve." What on earth is he thinking? Bitches be crazy.
Ooh, this is that awkward part when you enter the city and all those mother truckers you passed earlier have caught up and are beside you at the traffic light. I usually pretend to be busy and adjust the air conditioning vents or pretend to pick up something off the floor mat. (oh a rock! I've been meaning to get one of these...) Or sometimes they look right at you and you just have to pull the whole "oh hey! I knew I'd see you later!" look.
Big Poppa just put on New York Groove by Sweet for me since we just entered the city. Haha I'm a little embarrassed to say that it is getting me quite pumped even though, as fellow Albertans know, Edmonton is no New York. I don't think it's even worthy of being compared to the Big Apple. This isn't where dreams are made of. This is where dreams go to die! Haha okay that's a bit dramatic.
5 hours later...
Okay I have finished the first session of the prep course. Not too shabby. Nothing is particularly difficult so far. I am pretty confident that I will indeed rock the diploma! I will have to study my buns off for the chemistry one though since I had to choose between math and chemistry prep courses. This is where I really need my time turner necklace to work for real so that I can pull a Granger and be in two places at once. I would get so much done if it did work. But I guess it will always be just a dream to be a wizard. Until my letter comes!
Wow I wonder if any of you reading this have realized that I really didn't plan out this post at all. I have no idea what the point of it is. When I decided to post something I originally planned on talking about cooking. I seem to have strayed a long way from that topic. Don't worry, I'll bring it in here.
So my deal with cooking is that I suck at it. I also feel a strong hatred towards it. I can't stand the whole technique of measurements like pinch, dash, splash. Someone says that and I say "how fucking much of this shit am I supposed to put in?" Like everybody's different. Everyone has different hand sizes so how big is a pinch? Everybody's dishes will be different! This is so chaotic! I need consistency. I need a constant measurement that will remain the same every time. I learned how to make French toast in the 5th grade by following the instructions in a children's cookbook. Even though I could probably recite the recipe by heart, I still bring out that cookbook to this day just to be sure. I don't know if maybe the number of eggs changed since the last time I made them or the amount of vanilla has increased. I just need to be certain it will all end with pure deliciousness. I even measure the 2 cups of water you boil to make Kraft dinner. If its even slightly over the line you pour that shit out and start over. One day I was feeling particularly courageous and I eye-balled the amount of water. This resulted in some shitty KD. Just a monstrous bowl of disgusting macaroni. I learned my lesson that day; water is meant to be measured. Bad things happen when it is just violently poured into a pot. That water gets back at you and destroys your dinner hardcore.
The last time I did attempt to cook I was preparing mini frozen pizzas in the oven. I made them perfectly. They were a beautiful golden brown with cheesy delightfulness baked on top. I was so proud of myself and so excited and hungry. I carefully removed them from the oven and placed them on my plate. On my way from the kitchen to my seat on the couch in front of the tv (I was gonna pretend that I was going to sit at a table set with beautiful china and silverware but I feel like I can be honest with you guys. I was gonna sit with greasy pizza on my lap, wearing sweatpants and watching a rerun of Teen Mom). I was so excited to chow down that I didn't see one of my dogs at my feet and was soon struggling to keep balance and my plate tilted to an angle that caused my pizzas to slide onto the floor, cheese-side down. :( my pizzas were ruined and my cooking confidence and patience were lying beside them. I was so upset. To this day, I still haven't talked to my dog. Haha just kitten, we're all good. I just had to make a trip to McDonald's. And that's why I leave the cooking up to restaurants and my mom. I like it when food just appears in front of me. It just finds its way onto my plate and into my mouth. You know that movie 'Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs'? Well I've never seen that movie but I'm pretty sure that it's based on my life. Food pretty much just falls from the sky for me. And I, approve.
So I think that pretty much wraps up this post...it only took me all day. I don't even know what to title this since I am all over the map here. I'll figure something out.
-May the Force be with you!
