Hey all you poopheads!
This post is going to be a bit of a rant about our society. There are many issues in today's society. Things like how common sense is no longer common, the dependence on technology, kids becoming too spoiled for their own good. All that stuff old people like to complain about. But what my rant is about is poop.
That's right, crap; number 2; shit; doo-doo. I think you get the point. I want to talk about how it's for some reason not socially accepted to talk about poop!
The thing is that everyone poops. You have to poop or else you'll die. Poop=life. But for some reason we all try to hide the fact that we poop. But guess what world, we all do! I poop. I poop all the time! You poop! You beautiful reader, you. You make big dumps, I bet. Your boss poops, your mom poops, your dog poops, your grandma poops, your future child will poop, even Oprah Winfrey poops! That's right, even Beyoncé poops! (On a side note my dad didn't know who Beyoncé was. Haha c'mon dad pay attention. She's the fucking queen. And she also poops all the time).
Do you see where I'm going with this? We all poop and yet we try to hide it from each other all the time. Why? Because it's stinky? Because it's brown?? Because it comes from our butts? Well I, for one, am all about that bass and the digestive waste it produces. I mean everyone loves Kim Kardashian and her big, round, famous butt. So why can we talk about the booty but not the dootie?
I, for one, talk about poop with many people I am close to. My boyfriend and I discuss it all the time. I mean we don't like show each other our poop and gross stuff like that. That's crossing the line. But if my tummy is upset I'm gonna say "ugh I think I gotta poop my brains out." Like opening up about it helps you feel better when you got a nasty number 2 on the way. When you try to act like it's all good it makes you focus more on how it is not all good and you need a bathroom STAT. I told my mom that me and PattyCake openly talk about pooping and she was quite shocked. It turns out in my parent's whole 24 year marriage, they have never openly talked about poop. What? And you live together? Do you even know each other? Like how can you be together for that long and it never come up. Like you've never been like ooh that supper was too rich for me, I got mad poops happening? That is just crazy.
It's just awkward to hide poop from each other. Like when you're in the bathroom for twice the normal time, we know what's going on. You're expelling feces in there! So why be so awkward about it? If I was the queen of the world rather than Beyoncé, I would put poo-shaming to rest. I would encourage pooping in public restrooms. I would openly discuss my own pooping adventures. I mean women talk about their periods all the time and it's totally fine but you start talking about poop and you're disgusting. Well guess what ladies, only 50% of the population menstruate while 100% poop! Poop is way less disgusting than periods anyways. Don't even get me started on that nasty shit. Yuck!
The other day I was talking to Coke on the phone and we came to a little null in conversation and she said "...I pooped today." And then we started a whole 'nother conversation. I just love that. I hope you people can start talking about poop with your best friends. It is exhilarating.
Of course there is a time and place for poop. For instance, you can't talk about poop with important people or with strangers. They have to be people that can handle the poop discussions. Start with your brother or sister and best friend and move on from there. I think if the people in my life were uncomfortable with my poop discussions I couldn't have them in my life anymore. I choose poop over you, boring, pretending-to-never-poop-people!
So there you have it, you healthy poopers; my rant about society and it's unwritten no-poop-talk laws. I now would like to dare you to talk about poop with someone you love. I think you'll find it as comforting and rewarding as I do. I actually pooped right before writing this post and it was lovely.
Go ahead, world! Go poop!
Love,
AshiPooPoo
