I realize I haven't blogged in quite a while now and I apologize. I'm sorry that your own lives are so super lame that you look to my utterly boring one for entertainment. All I've been doing is working...and watching Glee. We just finished the third season, where most of them graduate. I will admit, I found this graduation more meaningful than my own. I didn't even feel sad at my own graduation but I was on the verge of tears during this episode. Since all I've been doing is working lately I've decided I will tell you about it.
Part of my job at the pool is to teach swimming lessons. I don't mind it most of the time as long as I'm not teaching level 1 or level 2. Why? Because you always get that one kid who is afraid of water and ruins your whole lesson plan. Any parents reading this, please take your kids swimming before they start going into swimming lessons and throw them in a couple times so that they learn they aren't going to die every time their face gets splashed. The urge to dunk kids under is one I often find myself fighting. The best part about teaching kids is that they say the darned-est things sometimes.
On PFD day we ask the kids who should wear a lifejacket. I always say "Should mom wear a lifejacket?" and they yell "YES!" and then I say "Should dad wear a lifejacket?" and normally they say "YES!" but with my one class this boy said "my dad died from smoking." ... ooh awkward ... He said it in such a matter-of-fact voice I had no idea how to respond. I finally just said "if he were here would he wear a lifejacket?" and he said "YES!" phew!
One of the games we play is Simon Says. I mostly use this as a time-waster game. In one of my preschool classes I said "okay, lets do a game of Simon Says before hot tub!" and then this boy starts spouting out instructions. He was like "Okay! Put your ear in! Jump up and down! Spin around!" I was just staring at him like whaaa? I had no idea why his whole face lit up when I suggested the game either. And then I remembered, his name was Simon.
The other day I was teaching a level 5/6/7 and I was getting in the water with them about 2/3rds through the lesson. As I slipped into the water, one girl said "what are you gonna do? Are you gonna drown us?" I was like "yeah I'm gonna push you under." And she said "really?" I wanted to be like what the hell is wrong with you? Do you not know what a lifeguard does? It is the complete opposite of drowning people! I was like "NO!"
I am normally alright dealing with kids but in some situations I find myself wondering what the fuck they want me to do. For instance, I once had a girl knock on the office door and tell me that her tooth was loose. She was probably 9 or 10 and so I said is it bleeding or anything? And she said no. I had to fight back the words, 'then why the hell are you in the doorway stealing away from my cake-eating time?' I asked if she wanted me to rip it out and she was like NO! So I said well you can either go swim or I'll go get the pliers. She looked rather appalled but like I said wtf do you want me to do about it? She walked into the girl's change room and I went back to my seat in the office. Not even two minutes later the girl has come through the change room to the front counter holding her tooth in her hand with blood on her fingers. One of the older lifeguards yelled "can somebody grab a sandwich baggy?" And I looked to see her standing there. I said "you actually pulled it out?" And she said "you told me to!" This caused my coworkers to look at me in a way that said 'how could you?' And a voice in my head said "Ashlynn, you've got some 'splainin to do!" I would like to point out that she got five bucks for that tooth and refused to give me any sort of cut.
When I'm guarding I always get little girls coming up to me and telling me that someone was being mean to them. Honestly I just want to tell them that maybe if they weren't such a tattle-tale more people would like them. But I normally just say go play somewhere away from them and tell me if they bother you again. Works like a charm because normally by the time something else happens I'm not on deck anymore.
A lot of you probably think I'm not a very good lifeguard and to this I say 'If you think you can do better, be my guest.'
That's all folks!
May the Force be with you!
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