With it being October and Halloween coming up, I have decided to write a bit of a spooky post. I am going to tell you some of my fears and I do hope that none of you use these against me. A lot of these fears originated in childhood and are not your ordinary phobias.
First off, I have a routine of always checking behind a door. This started after my older cousin put in the movie My Bloody Valentine in my auntie's basement. In this film, the killer hides behind a door and attacks the damsel in distress. And ever since then, I always open a door all the way to the wall or check behind it after walking into a room.
Secondly, I have a fear of compressed air. This fear started after my father told my brother and I the story of bullies killing one of their victims using an air compressor. He told us this as we were filling up our bicycle tires. T-Bird and I became afraid of the compressor and were too scared to grab the end out of the tire when it was getting too full and my dad was too far away to grab it himself, causing the tire to explode. The loud noise nearly caused T-Bird and I to shit ourselves and for me to never trust compressed air of any kind again. I have been known to hide underneath the desk at the theatre when a CO2 bottle change is in process. I just always imagine it blowing up like on Jaws. The first time I had to change the bottle myself required a panicked phone call to Beetyke with him telling me that the noise I heard was just excess air escaping and that it was impossible for CO2 to blow up like in Jaws.
Speaking of things blowing up, I also have a fear of balloons. When I was younger, I was blowing one up when it popped and a piece went into my eye. My mom fished it out and I survived but I'm still not over it and hate them more than anything. I just don't trust them. Tonight at the theatre, this new kid blew one up and popped it right in front of me. I jumped really high and felt my heart stop. I also really wanted to cry.
I once had a dream where I was a corpse in the morgue and they were cutting off my toes. I don't know why, I had been watching a lot of CSI at Coke's house and was sleeping over. The fact that there was three of us lying in a row in Coke's basement also didn't make the morgue idea any less realistic. Ever since then, I always need to have my feet under the blankets when I sleep. Always. I can stand to have my toes peek out for about ten seconds at a time but then I think about someone grabbing them and I have to pull them back in. And if you watch TV shows that deal with corpses they normally show a body under a white sheet with the feet sticking out. It's weird! In lifeguard training, when I would be the victim and would have to go on the spine-board they would cover me with a blanket like we're supposed to but they wouldn't cover my feet. I nearly went crazy. If I was strapped in for a second longer than I was I probably would've snapped. If any of you have been strapped into a spine-board for any amount of time you probably know it is quite scary. I'm not completely claustrophobic but in a spine-board where you can't move any part of your body, I can't help but have a mental freak-out.
I'm not sure if this is really a fear, but I have this theory that when you kill a spider their ghost comes back to haunt you. It might sound bizarre, but the next time you kill a spider, you'll most likely feel a tingly, crawling sensation all over your body. Maybe it's just your mind, that's possible, but more than likely, it's the spider, getting back at you. I never kill spiders and never feel that sensation anymore. Ever since I thought of this theory, I have felt like a better person and have experienced less rainy days.
Again, wouldn't really consider this a fear but I am a bit freaked out by Vince Vaughn. Ever since I saw him in the remake of Psycho I haven't trusted him. He played the part a little too well if you ask me. I hope his wife keeps a weapon in the shower with her.
I'm supposed to say something about one of my coworkers, SassyPants. He is buying me a blizzard. Probably because he feels bad that I will now have to go through intense therapy from all the balloon popping tonight. I call him SassyPants because lately he has had quite the attitude. I always say I'm gonna fight him, too. But I won't while he is buying me ice cream. I now have him right where I want him.
I hope you have learned some helpful tips from this blog; look behind doors, don't kill spiders or trust Vince Vaughn and always keep your feet tucked in. After all, I am here to help. Not only my readers, but the household spiders of North America.
Keep it real, world. I'm out.
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